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It’s easy to understand why women get really discouraged as they look around, especially on college campuses. Even the cutest guys become repulsive by virtue of their behavior, which often ranges from idiotic to crass to just plain rude. Most of these guys will probably turn out great. They’ll mature and settle down to be […]

The post 7 Loser Guys to Waste Your Time, Youth and Beauty On appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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It’s easy to understand why women get really discouraged as they look around, especially on college campuses. Even the cutest guys become repulsive by virtue of their behavior, which often ranges from idiotic to crass to just plain rude. Most of these guys will probably turn out great. They’ll mature and settle down to be the nice men their mothers raised. But when? Their late 20s? 30s? How long do women really have to wait for mature, meaningful communication with the opposite sex?

Michael Kimmel, author of the book Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men, explains that guys are taking a lot longer to grow up these days. The most important thing to most guys is the opinion of their buddies. Hooking up is not about sex or even intimacy. “If sex were the goal, a guy would have a much better chance of having more (and better) sex if he had a steady girlfriend.  Instead, guys hook up to prove something to other guys.  The actual experience of sex pales in comparison to the experience of talking about sex.”

So what should you do if you are looking for a real connection with a guy under the age of 28? You settle in, you live your life with integrity, and you refuse to compromise. You maintain your standards and demand respect, honesty and kindness from men. Because if you do compromise, and you take up with a guy who isn’t ready, you are wasting enormous emotional energy, not to mention time.

Oh, you don’t like that plan? What’s that you say? Oh, OK, you figure you might as well just go ahead and kill time and have some fun while you’re at it. Well, then, here is my list of 7 Loser Guys to Waste Your Youth and Beauty On:

You all know this guy. He jumps from crush to crush. He pursues girls until he gets his ego boost and then he moves on. What’s tempting about the Player is the idea of taming him.  You’ll be the one to make him crazy for one girl. Hahahahaha. And when you do, you’ll be dating a guy who has callously used girls for years. But he probably knows his way around a vagina; he’s been in dozens, maybe hundreds! Whoo, hoo! Break out the penicillin!

Favorite line: “I really like you a lot.”

This guy is all about the booty call.  He’s vague about his plans until late, so that he can explore all his options.  He hides you by night-splitting:  first he sees his friends and then he wants to hook up with you alone afterwards. He is usually wasted by the time he texts you to hoof it on over to his place at 3 a.m.  He believes he is entitled to an orgasm, and assumes that you will happily provide that service. If you’re lucky and he’s really on his game, he’ll let you sleep over and may even pee on you in the middle of the night. You suspect he might be a vampire because he never tries to see you when it’s light outside. The coolest thing about this is that you can pretend you are dating Edward Cullen.

Favorite line: “You can blow me if you want.”

This is the hottest guy on campus. Lots of girls can’t resist going for the boy that everyone else wants. And hey, if he’s got his beer goggles on, you might get lucky! Just think about the bragging rights! You will get to have shitty sex with a really hot guy, tell all your friends about it the next day (they will be sooooo envious), and spend days on end wondering if your phone has been accidentally set to vibrate. But the story will end happily; nothing is wrong with your phone, he actually never tried to call!

Favorite line: “Hey, I’ll call you! What’s your name?”

The Ambivalent does like you, he really does. But…well, he’s just not sure he wants a relationship right now. He loves the time you spend together, especially when his bros are busy. It’s the best of both worlds! He is a free spirit. When you’re together, he can be incredibly demonstrative and affectionate, but the truth is, you are just not a priority. This is a blessing, because all girls hate it when a guy calls all the time and is eager. The Ambivalent is never eager.

Favorite line: “I had more fun with you this weekend than I had with you last weekend!”

He is the greatest kid. Boy. Goofball. At this point in his life, what he wants most with you: sex! What he wants most with his friends: video games, porn, beer, sports, to burp and fart, more beer, adventures, antics and the subsequent stories to reminisce over. Oh yeah, and to talk about the sex he has with you.

Favorite line: “Dude! Watch me do another keg stand!”

He means well. He does. He just tends to forget stuff. Like saying he would call. He really did intend to call before 2 a.m., but then the plans didn’t really get made, and, well, “Why don’t we just do something tomorrow instead?” He is literally unable to say where he will be in an hour’s time, but don’t you just love a guy with a little mystery? He’s all over the place, and he is guaranteed to keep you guessing and keep things interesting.

Favorite line: “I’ll make it up to you tomorrow, I promise. Seriously? I thought you were going back to school next week.”

The EUB may have been tortured as a child in some way. This makes him an interesting project. You will have a lot of fun trying to be everything for him. All the love, all the attention he seems to crave and need. You will be so busy filling his emptiness that you won’t even notice that he has never actually given you anything. No worries! You will learn to appreciate gems like, “I do care, it’s just that I’m not very open about my feelings.” And his jealous rants! How flattering it will be when he goes insane any time you act friendly with another guy. How gratifying that he cares enough to punch someone’s lights out over you!

Favorite line: Silence. (His response when  you tell him you love him.)

Who have I left out? I don’t wanna hurt the feelings of any unworthy dudes!

The post 7 Loser Guys to Waste Your Time, Youth and Beauty On appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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It’s easy to understand why women get really discouraged as they look around, especially on college campuses. Even the cutest guys become repulsive by virtue of their behavior, which often ranges from idiotic to crass to just plain rude. Most of these guys will probably turn out great. They’ll mature and settle down to be […]

The post 7 Loser Guys to Waste Your Time, Youth and Beauty On appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(7309) "

It’s easy to understand why women get really discouraged as they look around, especially on college campuses. Even the cutest guys become repulsive by virtue of their behavior, which often ranges from idiotic to crass to just plain rude. Most of these guys will probably turn out great. They’ll mature and settle down to be the nice men their mothers raised. But when? Their late 20s? 30s? How long do women really have to wait for mature, meaningful communication with the opposite sex?

Michael Kimmel, author of the book Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men, explains that guys are taking a lot longer to grow up these days. The most important thing to most guys is the opinion of their buddies. Hooking up is not about sex or even intimacy. “If sex were the goal, a guy would have a much better chance of having more (and better) sex if he had a steady girlfriend.  Instead, guys hook up to prove something to other guys.  The actual experience of sex pales in comparison to the experience of talking about sex.”

So what should you do if you are looking for a real connection with a guy under the age of 28? You settle in, you live your life with integrity, and you refuse to compromise. You maintain your standards and demand respect, honesty and kindness from men. Because if you do compromise, and you take up with a guy who isn’t ready, you are wasting enormous emotional energy, not to mention time.

Oh, you don’t like that plan? What’s that you say? Oh, OK, you figure you might as well just go ahead and kill time and have some fun while you’re at it. Well, then, here is my list of 7 Loser Guys to Waste Your Youth and Beauty On:

You all know this guy. He jumps from crush to crush. He pursues girls until he gets his ego boost and then he moves on. What’s tempting about the Player is the idea of taming him.  You’ll be the one to make him crazy for one girl. Hahahahaha. And when you do, you’ll be dating a guy who has callously used girls for years. But he probably knows his way around a vagina; he’s been in dozens, maybe hundreds! Whoo, hoo! Break out the penicillin!

Favorite line: “I really like you a lot.”

This guy is all about the booty call.  He’s vague about his plans until late, so that he can explore all his options.  He hides you by night-splitting:  first he sees his friends and then he wants to hook up with you alone afterwards. He is usually wasted by the time he texts you to hoof it on over to his place at 3 a.m.  He believes he is entitled to an orgasm, and assumes that you will happily provide that service. If you’re lucky and he’s really on his game, he’ll let you sleep over and may even pee on you in the middle of the night. You suspect he might be a vampire because he never tries to see you when it’s light outside. The coolest thing about this is that you can pretend you are dating Edward Cullen.

Favorite line: “You can blow me if you want.”

This is the hottest guy on campus. Lots of girls can’t resist going for the boy that everyone else wants. And hey, if he’s got his beer goggles on, you might get lucky! Just think about the bragging rights! You will get to have shitty sex with a really hot guy, tell all your friends about it the next day (they will be sooooo envious), and spend days on end wondering if your phone has been accidentally set to vibrate. But the story will end happily; nothing is wrong with your phone, he actually never tried to call!

Favorite line: “Hey, I’ll call you! What’s your name?”

The Ambivalent does like you, he really does. But…well, he’s just not sure he wants a relationship right now. He loves the time you spend together, especially when his bros are busy. It’s the best of both worlds! He is a free spirit. When you’re together, he can be incredibly demonstrative and affectionate, but the truth is, you are just not a priority. This is a blessing, because all girls hate it when a guy calls all the time and is eager. The Ambivalent is never eager.

Favorite line: “I had more fun with you this weekend than I had with you last weekend!”

He is the greatest kid. Boy. Goofball. At this point in his life, what he wants most with you: sex! What he wants most with his friends: video games, porn, beer, sports, to burp and fart, more beer, adventures, antics and the subsequent stories to reminisce over. Oh yeah, and to talk about the sex he has with you.

Favorite line: “Dude! Watch me do another keg stand!”

He means well. He does. He just tends to forget stuff. Like saying he would call. He really did intend to call before 2 a.m., but then the plans didn’t really get made, and, well, “Why don’t we just do something tomorrow instead?” He is literally unable to say where he will be in an hour’s time, but don’t you just love a guy with a little mystery? He’s all over the place, and he is guaranteed to keep you guessing and keep things interesting.

Favorite line: “I’ll make it up to you tomorrow, I promise. Seriously? I thought you were going back to school next week.”

The EUB may have been tortured as a child in some way. This makes him an interesting project. You will have a lot of fun trying to be everything for him. All the love, all the attention he seems to crave and need. You will be so busy filling his emptiness that you won’t even notice that he has never actually given you anything. No worries! You will learn to appreciate gems like, “I do care, it’s just that I’m not very open about my feelings.” And his jealous rants! How flattering it will be when he goes insane any time you act friendly with another guy. How gratifying that he cares enough to punch someone’s lights out over you!

Favorite line: Silence. (His response when  you tell him you love him.)

Who have I left out? I don’t wanna hurt the feelings of any unworthy dudes!

The post 7 Loser Guys to Waste Your Time, Youth and Beauty On appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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Women today don’t understand femininity very well. It’s a dirty secret from the patriarchal past, and it’s been mostly successfully scrubbed from our consciousness by  gender-bending feminists. This loss is mourned by men, who desperately seek feminine women. At the same time, the denial of biological sex differences has affected them as well, as male […]

The post Women Need Men: How to Be Feminine appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6514) "

Women today don’t understand femininity very well. It’s a dirty secret from the patriarchal past, and it’s been mostly successfully scrubbed from our consciousness by  gender-bending feminists. This loss is mourned by men, who desperately seek feminine women. At the same time, the denial of biological sex differences has affected them as well, as male behavior and nature is routinely shamed in our culture. The end result of this disastrous social experiment is a masculinized female population and a feminized male population. This is not conducive to happy mating.

Recently, reader Sai expressed her bafflement at what femininity is supposed to look like:

When I spent way too long Googling “how do girls act”/”what are girls like” I knew I had a problem.

I don’t want to completely morph into a touchy-feely mother to all living things. I’m honestly still not sure what I’ll gain from this -the visual component is seriously lacking, which is why I saw no point in being that sort of girl -or even where to start. But I am curious, and I often see gals who don’t like how the sexes currently interact being exhorted to act more girly.

Susan Brownmiller, in her 1984 book Femininity, described it as “whimsy, unpredicability, emotional patterns of thinking and behavior, including tearful expressions of sentiment and fear.” She noted that all of these behaviors lie “outside the established route to success.”

Laura Kipnis wrote in Slate that “Femininity is a system that tries to secure advantages for women, primarily by enhancing their sexual attractiveness to men. It also shores up masculinity through displays of feminine helplessness or deference. But femininity depends on a sense of female inadequacy to perpetuate itself.”

This is what the French call “la difference.” What’s important to note is that both sexes are happiest when women are feminine and men are masculine. Previously, I’ve attempted to describe femininity in all its aspects, but today I want to focus on just one part of it – perhaps the most important part. It has nothing to do with appearance, tone of voice, or mannerisms. We need to shift our way of thinking to acknowledge sex differences, and how the sexes, though different, can complement one another perfectly when we’re honest about the different wants and needs of men and women. In my opinion, this complementarity is a key part of successful relationships and, ultimately, marriage.

Principle #1

Women need men, and men need to be needed.

This is heresy to feminists. In that orthodoxy, the most shameful thing a woman can do is need or become dependent on a man. However, in the ancestral period women could not survive without men. Men provided food, shelter and protection, as well as strategic alliances and genes for offspring. Women were attracted to men who could provide these things, and sought qualities in mates that signaled the ability to accumulate resources and the temperament to share them.

Today, women don’t really need men to provide food and shelter. In large cities, 20-something women make 120% of what their male peers earn. This trend will continue as women represent 60% of college graduates in this country, even though many of those women will not enter high-paying professions.

We do still need men to protect us, however. Despite an increased number of females in the police force and military, there’s a reason why Navy SEALS are male, why men do most of the heavy lifting and building of construction projects, and why men perform the most dangerous jobs in our economy.

Taking it to the personal level, what woman does not love being enveloped by strong male arms in a protective embrace? I rely on my husband to be stoic, strong and efficient in all manner of mini domestic crises. When there’s a hurricane coming, a bat in the house, or strange sounds in the night, he embraces the risk. He mans the grill. He is a rock during the emotional upheavals that occur in all families. He provides for our family.

Not surprisingly, when he acts out his male role in this way, I feel attracted to him. I communicate appreciation, my comfort in depending on him, and express physical affection. Both parties are rewarded, both win. That can’t happen if I refuse to need a man, or refuse to accomodate his need to be needed.

Principle #2

Women want to nurture, and men want to be nurtured.

This too is heresy to feminists, as it supposes that women live to serve men. In fact, women serve male needs for nurturance in the same way that men serve female needs for provisioning. Men and women are happiest when we gladly give and receive what the other has to offer.

If men evolved to provide shelter and food, then women evolved to make that shelter and food experience as pleasing and comfortable as possible. (If you don’t want to cook for a man, you’re missing a great opportunity to nurture your partner and your relationship.) Of course, there are many other ways to do this as well. Caring about a man’s feelings, demonstrating loyalty, and expressing love and desire are all excellent ways to nurture a man.

Female nurturance does not preclude male nurturance, nor does needing a man mean he won’t need you back. Just the opposite is true. When we need and nurture our partners, we become stronger, and we invite them to need and nurture us back.

Long live sex differences.

Needing and nurturing, embraced by women, and freely welcomed by men. That’s one thing we can all do right now to improve our dysfunctional SMP.

The post Women Need Men: How to Be Feminine appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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Women today don’t understand femininity very well. It’s a dirty secret from the patriarchal past, and it’s been mostly successfully scrubbed from our consciousness by  gender-bending feminists. This loss is mourned by men, who desperately seek feminine women. At the same time, the denial of biological sex differences has affected them as well, as male […]

The post Women Need Men: How to Be Feminine appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(6514) "

Women today don’t understand femininity very well. It’s a dirty secret from the patriarchal past, and it’s been mostly successfully scrubbed from our consciousness by  gender-bending feminists. This loss is mourned by men, who desperately seek feminine women. At the same time, the denial of biological sex differences has affected them as well, as male behavior and nature is routinely shamed in our culture. The end result of this disastrous social experiment is a masculinized female population and a feminized male population. This is not conducive to happy mating.

Recently, reader Sai expressed her bafflement at what femininity is supposed to look like:

When I spent way too long Googling “how do girls act”/”what are girls like” I knew I had a problem.

I don’t want to completely morph into a touchy-feely mother to all living things. I’m honestly still not sure what I’ll gain from this -the visual component is seriously lacking, which is why I saw no point in being that sort of girl -or even where to start. But I am curious, and I often see gals who don’t like how the sexes currently interact being exhorted to act more girly.

Susan Brownmiller, in her 1984 book Femininity, described it as “whimsy, unpredicability, emotional patterns of thinking and behavior, including tearful expressions of sentiment and fear.” She noted that all of these behaviors lie “outside the established route to success.”

Laura Kipnis wrote in Slate that “Femininity is a system that tries to secure advantages for women, primarily by enhancing their sexual attractiveness to men. It also shores up masculinity through displays of feminine helplessness or deference. But femininity depends on a sense of female inadequacy to perpetuate itself.”

This is what the French call “la difference.” What’s important to note is that both sexes are happiest when women are feminine and men are masculine. Previously, I’ve attempted to describe femininity in all its aspects, but today I want to focus on just one part of it – perhaps the most important part. It has nothing to do with appearance, tone of voice, or mannerisms. We need to shift our way of thinking to acknowledge sex differences, and how the sexes, though different, can complement one another perfectly when we’re honest about the different wants and needs of men and women. In my opinion, this complementarity is a key part of successful relationships and, ultimately, marriage.

Principle #1

Women need men, and men need to be needed.

This is heresy to feminists. In that orthodoxy, the most shameful thing a woman can do is need or become dependent on a man. However, in the ancestral period women could not survive without men. Men provided food, shelter and protection, as well as strategic alliances and genes for offspring. Women were attracted to men who could provide these things, and sought qualities in mates that signaled the ability to accumulate resources and the temperament to share them.

Today, women don’t really need men to provide food and shelter. In large cities, 20-something women make 120% of what their male peers earn. This trend will continue as women represent 60% of college graduates in this country, even though many of those women will not enter high-paying professions.

We do still need men to protect us, however. Despite an increased number of females in the police force and military, there’s a reason why Navy SEALS are male, why men do most of the heavy lifting and building of construction projects, and why men perform the most dangerous jobs in our economy.

Taking it to the personal level, what woman does not love being enveloped by strong male arms in a protective embrace? I rely on my husband to be stoic, strong and efficient in all manner of mini domestic crises. When there’s a hurricane coming, a bat in the house, or strange sounds in the night, he embraces the risk. He mans the grill. He is a rock during the emotional upheavals that occur in all families. He provides for our family.

Not surprisingly, when he acts out his male role in this way, I feel attracted to him. I communicate appreciation, my comfort in depending on him, and express physical affection. Both parties are rewarded, both win. That can’t happen if I refuse to need a man, or refuse to accomodate his need to be needed.

Principle #2

Women want to nurture, and men want to be nurtured.

This too is heresy to feminists, as it supposes that women live to serve men. In fact, women serve male needs for nurturance in the same way that men serve female needs for provisioning. Men and women are happiest when we gladly give and receive what the other has to offer.

If men evolved to provide shelter and food, then women evolved to make that shelter and food experience as pleasing and comfortable as possible. (If you don’t want to cook for a man, you’re missing a great opportunity to nurture your partner and your relationship.) Of course, there are many other ways to do this as well. Caring about a man’s feelings, demonstrating loyalty, and expressing love and desire are all excellent ways to nurture a man.

Female nurturance does not preclude male nurturance, nor does needing a man mean he won’t need you back. Just the opposite is true. When we need and nurture our partners, we become stronger, and we invite them to need and nurture us back.

Long live sex differences.

Needing and nurturing, embraced by women, and freely welcomed by men. That’s one thing we can all do right now to improve our dysfunctional SMP.

The post Women Need Men: How to Be Feminine appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1656343967) } [2]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(50) "How to Figure Out if He Has Relationship Potential" ["link"]=> string(89) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2022/06/27/how-to-figure-out-if-he-has-relationship-potential/" ["comments"]=> string(97) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2022/06/27/how-to-figure-out-if-he-has-relationship-potential/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(13) "J. T. Ellison" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 27 Jun 2022 15:27:57 +0000" ["category"]=> string(302) "Relationship AdviceCollegecommitmentconnectionemoExfashionflirtfriendgirlgirlfriendgirlsguyguyshearthonestyhooking upHooking Up RealitieshookuploserlovepursueQuality Boyrandomrelationship potentialRelationship StrategiesrelationshipsromancesexslowstrategysuccesstextweekendWhat Guys Want • Tags: boys" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=8733" ["description"]=> string(626) "

“I love romance. I’m a sucker for it. I love it so much. It’s pathetic.” Drew Barrymoreaa If you have had enough of hooking up with either randoms or friends, and you feel ready for a relationship, it’s important that you not waste your time and energy on boys who don’t have any relationship potential. You need […]

The post How to Figure Out if He Has Relationship Potential appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6281) "

“I love romance. I’m a sucker for it. I love it so much. It’s pathetic.”

Drew Barrymoreaa

If you have had enough of hooking up with either randoms or friends, and you feel ready for a relationship, it’s important that you not waste your time and energy on boys who don’t have any relationship potential. You need to learn to figure out which boys are promising, and which ones are hopeless. It can be difficult to identify a Quality Boy, especially if you are just getting to know him.

Lots of guys act nice at first, so how are you supposed to figure out which boys are true relationship material and which ones are just trying to get some ass? Often girls aren’t able to discern between the two until they’ve been treated poorly – then it becomes obvious he was in it for the sex. Because that happens so frequently to in the hookup culture, girls need to develop better tools for judging a boy’s readiness up front.

For our purposes, the target market for relationships consists of guys aged 18-26 or so:

Obviously, guys are paranoid about being the only one not getting enough sex. This may imply that guys are entirely to blame for the lack of relationships available to girls. They are not. There are some boys who would prefer a different scenario, but are trapped within the expectations of the hookup culture.

Boys have always struggled to understand the emotional lives of girls, and now that relationships are out of fashion they’re not getting any practice. Most boys know very little about what girls want and need. And as long as we try to act just like them, they will remain clueless. They will keep trying to give us what they want: great sex with no messy emotions.

Girls are not wholly without responsibility, often sending mixed signals:

It’s no wonder that boys are often confused about what girls want from them. The silver lining for girls in all this miscommunication is that some boys grow dissatisfied and begin to suffer from hookup fatigue. They crave some kind of emotional connection, even if they are not looking for a serious relationship. They are tired of getting really wasted to numb the risk of being rejected by a girl or, conversely, feeling close to her. This represents a key opportunity for you!

Traditionally, men have enjoyed the role of pursuer. They prove their masculinity by demonstrating their ability to take a girl off the market at the expense of other men. Most men can get a more desirable mate if they are willing to commit. That’s because women want a commitment, and the most desirable women are in the strongest position to get what they want. If women raise their standards, and insist on a commitment as a prerequisite for sex, then men will comply. They really don’t want it to be this easy! They know deep down that great sex can only come from a slow win.

You may be tempted initially to consider all of the boys you find attractive. Wrong! Many of the guys you find attractive are unworthy. You deserve a Quality Boy. A Quality Boy is determined by his actions or behavior, not by his intentions. Many boys are “good kids.” They have good hearts. They don’t mean to be cruel. They’re just idiots about girls. You must learn to judge boys at face value, because you don’t want to waste precious time and energy on the hopeless cases.

What you need to do, then, is identify boys with potential. And you need to formulate a strategy for cultivating them so that you can finally have what you want. You may be lucky enough to meet a boy who is ready. But it’s very likely that you’re going to need to provide training wheels. As you look at the boys around you, keep an open mind. You may be missing some of the best boys. Boys who don’t “spit game” are not as successful at hooking up, which means they are more likely to be willing to consider a relationship. Lots of Quality Boys are reserved, shy or are not practiced flirts. Resist the temptation to think of every potential hookup as relationship material. Shop around.

Remember the identifying characteristics of a Quality Boy’s behavior:

• Honesty: Don’t lie to me.

• Sincerity: Don’t play me.

• Friendship: Get to know me.

• Romance: Make me feel special.

Do not compromise! A boy must be worthy to deserve your interest. Maintaining high standards serves to weed out the unworthy boys. If his behavior is unworthy, he is not the boy for you right now. Do not sell yourself short.

The post How to Figure Out if He Has Relationship Potential appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(94) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2022/06/27/how-to-figure-out-if-he-has-relationship-potential/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(626) "

“I love romance. I’m a sucker for it. I love it so much. It’s pathetic.” Drew Barrymoreaa If you have had enough of hooking up with either randoms or friends, and you feel ready for a relationship, it’s important that you not waste your time and energy on boys who don’t have any relationship potential. You need […]

The post How to Figure Out if He Has Relationship Potential appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(6281) "

“I love romance. I’m a sucker for it. I love it so much. It’s pathetic.”

Drew Barrymoreaa

If you have had enough of hooking up with either randoms or friends, and you feel ready for a relationship, it’s important that you not waste your time and energy on boys who don’t have any relationship potential. You need to learn to figure out which boys are promising, and which ones are hopeless. It can be difficult to identify a Quality Boy, especially if you are just getting to know him.

Lots of guys act nice at first, so how are you supposed to figure out which boys are true relationship material and which ones are just trying to get some ass? Often girls aren’t able to discern between the two until they’ve been treated poorly – then it becomes obvious he was in it for the sex. Because that happens so frequently to in the hookup culture, girls need to develop better tools for judging a boy’s readiness up front.

For our purposes, the target market for relationships consists of guys aged 18-26 or so:

Obviously, guys are paranoid about being the only one not getting enough sex. This may imply that guys are entirely to blame for the lack of relationships available to girls. They are not. There are some boys who would prefer a different scenario, but are trapped within the expectations of the hookup culture.

Boys have always struggled to understand the emotional lives of girls, and now that relationships are out of fashion they’re not getting any practice. Most boys know very little about what girls want and need. And as long as we try to act just like them, they will remain clueless. They will keep trying to give us what they want: great sex with no messy emotions.

Girls are not wholly without responsibility, often sending mixed signals:

It’s no wonder that boys are often confused about what girls want from them. The silver lining for girls in all this miscommunication is that some boys grow dissatisfied and begin to suffer from hookup fatigue. They crave some kind of emotional connection, even if they are not looking for a serious relationship. They are tired of getting really wasted to numb the risk of being rejected by a girl or, conversely, feeling close to her. This represents a key opportunity for you!

Traditionally, men have enjoyed the role of pursuer. They prove their masculinity by demonstrating their ability to take a girl off the market at the expense of other men. Most men can get a more desirable mate if they are willing to commit. That’s because women want a commitment, and the most desirable women are in the strongest position to get what they want. If women raise their standards, and insist on a commitment as a prerequisite for sex, then men will comply. They really don’t want it to be this easy! They know deep down that great sex can only come from a slow win.

You may be tempted initially to consider all of the boys you find attractive. Wrong! Many of the guys you find attractive are unworthy. You deserve a Quality Boy. A Quality Boy is determined by his actions or behavior, not by his intentions. Many boys are “good kids.” They have good hearts. They don’t mean to be cruel. They’re just idiots about girls. You must learn to judge boys at face value, because you don’t want to waste precious time and energy on the hopeless cases.

What you need to do, then, is identify boys with potential. And you need to formulate a strategy for cultivating them so that you can finally have what you want. You may be lucky enough to meet a boy who is ready. But it’s very likely that you’re going to need to provide training wheels. As you look at the boys around you, keep an open mind. You may be missing some of the best boys. Boys who don’t “spit game” are not as successful at hooking up, which means they are more likely to be willing to consider a relationship. Lots of Quality Boys are reserved, shy or are not practiced flirts. Resist the temptation to think of every potential hookup as relationship material. Shop around.

Remember the identifying characteristics of a Quality Boy’s behavior:

• Honesty: Don’t lie to me.

• Sincerity: Don’t play me.

• Friendship: Get to know me.

• Romance: Make me feel special.

Do not compromise! A boy must be worthy to deserve your interest. Maintaining high standards serves to weed out the unworthy boys. If his behavior is unworthy, he is not the boy for you right now. Do not sell yourself short.

The post How to Figure Out if He Has Relationship Potential appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1656343677) } [3]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(39) "The World of Hanging Out and Hooking Up" ["link"]=> string(78) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2022/06/27/the-world-of-hanging-out-and-hooking-up/" ["comments"]=> string(86) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2022/06/27/the-world-of-hanging-out-and-hooking-up/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(13) "J. T. Ellison" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 27 Jun 2022 15:18:23 +0000" ["category"]=> string(218) "Love & SexboyfriendboyscelldatingExfriendgirlgirlfriendgirlsguyguyshanging outhooking upHooking Up Realitieshookuphotindependentmorning afterplanrandomsexstrategystufftexttogetherweekendWhat Guys Want • Tags: awkward" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=8730" ["description"]=> string(604) "

“Women need a reason to have sex.  Men just need a place.” Billy Crystal, When Harry Met Sally You. You are smart, you are independent, you are strong.  You make your own choices about what you do with your body.  When you like a guy, you’re not afraid to show it. Your Plan. You’re looking forward to going out […]

The post The World of Hanging Out and Hooking Up appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(4332) "

Women need a reason to have sex.  Men just need a place.”

Billy Crystal, When Harry Met Sally

You.

You are smart, you are independent, you are strong.  You make your own choices about what you do with your body.  When you like a guy, you’re not afraid to show it.

Your Plan.

You’re looking forward to going out with the girls this weekend.  Maybe you’ll meet a new boy.  If the time was right, and the boy was right, you could see yourself in a relationship.  Maybe not joined at the hip, but still, a best friend boyfriend might be wonderful.  You’re ready and hoping it will happen soon.  You feel upbeat about the future.

The Boy.

He is in his sexual prime.  Girls are everywhere.  His brain is in his penis.

His Plan.

He has noticed you around and he thinks you’re hot. You’ve never met, but he’s hoping to see you out this weekend with your friends.  In fact, there are a bunch of hot girls he’s hoping to run into.  He’ll pregame first so that when he runs into you he’ll have his game on.  He’s really funny and charming when he’s had a few shots. He’ll be attentive and focused on you all evening.  You’ll leave together and go back to his place, where you guys will hook up. He hasn’t scored in a couple of weeks, so it’ll be awesome. He feels upbeat about the weekend.

This is the world of hanging out and hooking up.  And this is what’s wrong with it:  most of the time it’s a bad deal for girls. If you’re a girl who wants to enjoy a boy for one night and never see him again, then go for it. If you are psyched about the idea of making out with him, but you know that you’ll feel DONE once you’ve finished, then dive right in.  If you’re horny and you want to screw someone one time, you can have a great time. Because that’s what’s on offer, and that’s exactly what he’s looking for. Next weekend you can do it all over again with someone new if you like. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with hooking up randomly if you are getting what you want.

But if you feel awkward and kind of confused the morning after a hookup (not to mention hung over), if you tell yourself and your friends it meant nothing, but you’re double-checking your cell phone all weekend, then you need a new plan.  He acted like he was really into you, so why doesn’t he call or text?  He says he’s really tired of hooking up all the time and he’s looking for a girlfriend, so does that maybe mean you?  Next weekend, will you be bummed when you see him all over another girl on the dance floor?  Or heading back to another girl’s room?  Will you be psyched if he texts at 3 a.m. and asks you to come over? 

Or maybe he does call, and you guys hook up four Saturday nights in a row.  He’s been really sweet and cute and affectionate, and you feel like you’ve really been getting to know each other.  Will you be disappointed when on the fifth Saturday he hooks up with someone new?  Or when you ask him what your relationship is and he says he’s not looking for a girlfriend?

Sound familiar?  This stuff happens to girls all the time.  It’s the norm, and that sucks.  If you find yourself experiencing this kind of disappointment, if you’re tired of feeling like the boy always has the upper hand, then you need to be smarter in the way you hook up with boys.  It won’t be easy.  You will have to be focused and patient.  But you can find the relationship you want on your own terms if you formulate a strategy and execute it like it’s your job.

The post The World of Hanging Out and Hooking Up appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(83) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2022/06/27/the-world-of-hanging-out-and-hooking-up/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(604) "

“Women need a reason to have sex.  Men just need a place.” Billy Crystal, When Harry Met Sally You. You are smart, you are independent, you are strong.  You make your own choices about what you do with your body.  When you like a guy, you’re not afraid to show it. Your Plan. You’re looking forward to going out […]

The post The World of Hanging Out and Hooking Up appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4332) "

Women need a reason to have sex.  Men just need a place.”

Billy Crystal, When Harry Met Sally

You.

You are smart, you are independent, you are strong.  You make your own choices about what you do with your body.  When you like a guy, you’re not afraid to show it.

Your Plan.

You’re looking forward to going out with the girls this weekend.  Maybe you’ll meet a new boy.  If the time was right, and the boy was right, you could see yourself in a relationship.  Maybe not joined at the hip, but still, a best friend boyfriend might be wonderful.  You’re ready and hoping it will happen soon.  You feel upbeat about the future.

The Boy.

He is in his sexual prime.  Girls are everywhere.  His brain is in his penis.

His Plan.

He has noticed you around and he thinks you’re hot. You’ve never met, but he’s hoping to see you out this weekend with your friends.  In fact, there are a bunch of hot girls he’s hoping to run into.  He’ll pregame first so that when he runs into you he’ll have his game on.  He’s really funny and charming when he’s had a few shots. He’ll be attentive and focused on you all evening.  You’ll leave together and go back to his place, where you guys will hook up. He hasn’t scored in a couple of weeks, so it’ll be awesome. He feels upbeat about the weekend.

This is the world of hanging out and hooking up.  And this is what’s wrong with it:  most of the time it’s a bad deal for girls. If you’re a girl who wants to enjoy a boy for one night and never see him again, then go for it. If you are psyched about the idea of making out with him, but you know that you’ll feel DONE once you’ve finished, then dive right in.  If you’re horny and you want to screw someone one time, you can have a great time. Because that’s what’s on offer, and that’s exactly what he’s looking for. Next weekend you can do it all over again with someone new if you like. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with hooking up randomly if you are getting what you want.

But if you feel awkward and kind of confused the morning after a hookup (not to mention hung over), if you tell yourself and your friends it meant nothing, but you’re double-checking your cell phone all weekend, then you need a new plan.  He acted like he was really into you, so why doesn’t he call or text?  He says he’s really tired of hooking up all the time and he’s looking for a girlfriend, so does that maybe mean you?  Next weekend, will you be bummed when you see him all over another girl on the dance floor?  Or heading back to another girl’s room?  Will you be psyched if he texts at 3 a.m. and asks you to come over? 

Or maybe he does call, and you guys hook up four Saturday nights in a row.  He’s been really sweet and cute and affectionate, and you feel like you’ve really been getting to know each other.  Will you be disappointed when on the fifth Saturday he hooks up with someone new?  Or when you ask him what your relationship is and he says he’s not looking for a girlfriend?

Sound familiar?  This stuff happens to girls all the time.  It’s the norm, and that sucks.  If you find yourself experiencing this kind of disappointment, if you’re tired of feeling like the boy always has the upper hand, then you need to be smarter in the way you hook up with boys.  It won’t be easy.  You will have to be focused and patient.  But you can find the relationship you want on your own terms if you formulate a strategy and execute it like it’s your job.

The post The World of Hanging Out and Hooking Up appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1656343103) } [4]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(55) "The Ethics and Effectiveness of Men Buying Women Drinks" ["link"]=> string(94) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2022/06/20/the-ethics-and-effectiveness-of-men-buying-women-drinks/" ["comments"]=> string(102) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2022/06/20/the-ethics-and-effectiveness-of-men-buying-women-drinks/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(13) "J. T. Ellison" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 20 Jun 2022 15:53:00 +0000" ["category"]=> string(132) "Relationship Advicealcoholbarsbuying drinksclubsGamePersonal Developmentpicking up womenpickupRelationship advicesending drinks over" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=8726" ["description"]=> string(601) "

‘Cause it’s a woman’s world Might as well face it Yeah they got what we want and we’re willing to chase it It’s a woman’s world, boys like it or not Men buy the drinks, girls call the shots Steve Holy Should men buy drinks for women? Though men buying drinks for women is nothing […]

The post The Ethics and Effectiveness of Men Buying Women Drinks appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(12520) "

‘Cause it’s a woman’s world

Might as well face it

Yeah they got what we want and we’re willing to chase it

It’s a woman’s world, boys like it or not

Men buy the drinks, girls call the shots

Steve Holy

Should men buy drinks for women? Though men buying drinks for women is nothing new, this question is the latest salvo in the ongoing battle between of the sexes.

In my view, the problem can be broken down into two distinct but related components:

The Strategic Effectiveness of Buying Drinks

In Hollywood classic films, men in nightclubs routinely send champagne to women they’ve got their eye on. Or, if they’re feeling emboldened, they’ll walk right up to her and ask if they can buy her a drink. It’s playful, and it’s definitely an invitation. It’s foreplay.

In 2022, men still follow the same script, but its effectiveness has worn thin.

1. Often a group of guys will send a round of drinks over to a group of girls, then approach in hopes of combining forces. This strategy is like buying a lottery ticket – a win is possible but very unlikely. From the guys’ perspective, it’s unclear which, if any, of the women are available or interested. And it’s unclear to the women who’s after whom. Who’s the target? Who’s the wing?

Cost: Low

Risk: Low

Payoff: Low

2. A guy may send a drink over to one particular girl, reading her response carefully to determine whether he has a shot. The question is: A shot at what?

Many women are wary of being singled out from afar in this way. They aren’t sure what the expectations are. Refusing a drink that’s already been prepared and delivered feels rude, but accepting it makes them feel obliged. If a woman looks up to identify the sender, and finds him attractive, how should she respond? What if she is not the least bit attracted to him? A girl practiced at accepting drinks from strangers may know how to play this moment expertly, but many women have no idea whether they are signaling thanks or an invitation to walk on over if they smile and wave.

A man who has sent the drink faces the risk of rejection, but his physical distance from his target mitigates his embarrassment. For many men, this is easier than a direct approach, but it’s also easier for a woman to turn down a guy from afar. He may well have no opportunity to charm her.

Cost: Low

Risk: Moderate

Payoff: Low

3. A man walks up to a woman in a bar and asks her if he can buy her a drink. If she accepts, he feels that she has indicated interest. Or at least he feels that she should be interested. He will be very annoyed if she accepts the drink and then turns her back to him. The woman accepting the drink figures the offer is unconditional, or should be. If a woman is definitely not interested, and wants to discourage any further conversation, she may say no thanks. Or she may take advantage of the guy, holding out the promise of a later reward while he pays for her drinks all night.

Cost: Moderate to High

Risk: Moderate to High

Payoff: Low to Moderate

4. Sometimes a man will start buying a girl drinks with the express purpose of getting her drunk. His strategy is to deliberately obscure her good judgment in hopes that she will act impulsively and have sex with him. Of course, he may overshoot and find that he is holding her hair back while she pukes on the sidewalk at closing time.

Cost: High

Risk: High

Payoff: Low to High

5. Finally, there is the option of a man approaching a woman and introducing himself without offering to pay for a drink. Once the guy feels secure in her attraction, he may offer to refill her drink, or get her one when he gets another for himself.

Cost: Low

Risk: Low to Moderate

Payoff: Low to High

Conclusion

The best overall strategy a man can follow is to approach a woman he finds attractive and introduce himself. He will have to display the necessary social skills to get her attention, but if she does indicate interest, he will know clearly that she has no ulterior motive and does not feel any sense of obligation due to his expenditure of resources. Once a rapport has been established, he may feel inclined to generously offer to buy her a drink, prolonging the interaction and signaling that he is willing to invest resources in getting to know her better. This is his call and is not required, though it may be effective in flattering his target.

One exception: When a woman finds a man attractive, and wants to make him aware of her presence, sending a drink over to him is a feisty and daring move. It is so unexpected, it is guaranteed to flatter the recipient, which is never a bad start. It’s a high-risk, low-cost move, otherwise known as What the Hell.

The Ethics of Buying and Accepting Drinks

Guys

1. Any drink sent to a woman without her advance knowledge is 100% unconditionally offered. As a man, you have no rights whatsoever in this scenario, nor should you have any expectations. A woman who accepts the drink and then refuses to even look your way may be rude, but she is not technically taking advantage of you. She did not invite you to approach her. She may even refuse the drink, which again, is reasonable.

2. Drinks sent to a group of women are unlikely to be refused – it is too difficult to ascertain the intent of the gesture and reach consensus on the spot. Again, this does not obligate the women to invite you over at all, much less spend the rest of the evening in your company.

3. If you approach a woman and offer to buy her a drink, and she accepts, you have the right to expect that at a minimum she will engage you in conversation. She should thank you and be receptive to whatever game you’re ready to spit at her. It’s your one shot, and if you blow it, don’t blame her. Essentially, her agreeing to accept a drink bought you an audition. That doesn’t mean you’re right for the part, and it doesn’t entitle you to anything.

4. Make your honorable intentions clear. A woman will feel nervous wondering what you want from her. Reassure her that you are interested in talking, period.

5. You are in no way obligated to offer to buy a woman anything. Indeed, as I’ve stated above, your best strategy is to hold off until you’ve got a sense that the attraction is mutual. Any woman who gives you grief for not plying her with drinks is a slush and should be considered unworthy of your attention.

6. If you are hitting it off with a girl, and offer to buy her a drink, and she accepts, you may feel encouraged, but you should not feel entitled to any specific reward. In fact, no amount of drinks entitles you to sex. If you want to get sex after dropping a couple of hundred dollars, there are more direct ways to achieve that.

7. If several guys are buying the same girl drinks, you are all being taken for a ride. A woman who is interested in one person will direct her focus and refuse the attention of other men.

8. NEVER buy a woman drinks with the express intent of getting her drunk. It’s beyond shady, and it proves that you can’t get laid by a woman in control of her faculties.

9. NEVER call a woman out angrily, calling her names, etc. If you believe you’ve been taken advantage of, walk away, and try a different strategy next time.

Girls

1. Accepting a drink from a man NEVER obligates you to:

It does obligate you to treat him with appreciation and respect.

2. If the drink has been sent over, you should seek eye contact, and thank him. When he approaches, you should be friendly regardless of your level of attraction to him. If you are not attracted to him, refrain from flirting or sending other encouraging signals.

3. Women often try to let guys down easy by telling them they’ve got a boyfriend. This is a good way to allow a man to save face. However, once you do that, you may not encourage another guy in front of him. Therefore, it’s best to say a simple “No, thank you” after a brief, friendly interaction. That way, you have done nothing misleading and can enjoy the rest of your evening without feeling awkward and guilty.

4. Never lead a guy on by allowing him to bankroll your tab for the evening. It’s selfish, rude and trashy. It gives all women a bad name.

5. Never accept a drink from a man when you are already engaged in talking to another man who is clearly interested. I’ve heard of women on dates accepting drinks from other men. Totally unacceptable!

6. Never accept a drink when you don’t want one. If you are interested, you can make that clear in ways other than accepting a drink you have no wish to consume. Don’t allow a well-intentioned guy to waste his hard-earned money.

7. Never accept a drink and pass it to a friend. I have heard of women who are driving accept the drink and give it away, a sort of present to a friend. This abuses the guy by diverting resources he wishes to spend on you to a woman he has shown no interest in.

8. Never penalize a man for not offering to buy you a drink right away. If on the other hand, a man goes to refill his own drink without offering to get you one, you may consider him cheap and stingy.

9. If you are interested in getting to know a guy who buys you a drink, it is appropriate and fair for you to offer to get the next round. This has the added benefit of letting him know clearly that you have no intention of taking advantage of him.

Signaling your attraction to someone by buying them a drink is an old-school, classy move. It remains one of the best ice-breakers for meeting new people in a public setting. As a device, it can be used effectively by both sexes. If both men and women adhere to the principles of decency and generosity, there’s no reason for anyone to feel demeaned or abused by the practice.

So get out there and take your shot. When you see someone out who you find really hot, don’t go home wondering “What if?” Introduce yourself, make eye contact, turn on the charm. And if a bit of alcohol lubricates the interaction, that’s OK, no matter who’s paying.

The post The Ethics and Effectiveness of Men Buying Women Drinks appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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‘Cause it’s a woman’s world Might as well face it Yeah they got what we want and we’re willing to chase it It’s a woman’s world, boys like it or not Men buy the drinks, girls call the shots Steve Holy Should men buy drinks for women? Though men buying drinks for women is nothing […]

The post The Ethics and Effectiveness of Men Buying Women Drinks appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(12520) "

‘Cause it’s a woman’s world

Might as well face it

Yeah they got what we want and we’re willing to chase it

It’s a woman’s world, boys like it or not

Men buy the drinks, girls call the shots

Steve Holy

Should men buy drinks for women? Though men buying drinks for women is nothing new, this question is the latest salvo in the ongoing battle between of the sexes.

In my view, the problem can be broken down into two distinct but related components:

The Strategic Effectiveness of Buying Drinks

In Hollywood classic films, men in nightclubs routinely send champagne to women they’ve got their eye on. Or, if they’re feeling emboldened, they’ll walk right up to her and ask if they can buy her a drink. It’s playful, and it’s definitely an invitation. It’s foreplay.

In 2022, men still follow the same script, but its effectiveness has worn thin.

1. Often a group of guys will send a round of drinks over to a group of girls, then approach in hopes of combining forces. This strategy is like buying a lottery ticket – a win is possible but very unlikely. From the guys’ perspective, it’s unclear which, if any, of the women are available or interested. And it’s unclear to the women who’s after whom. Who’s the target? Who’s the wing?

Cost: Low

Risk: Low

Payoff: Low

2. A guy may send a drink over to one particular girl, reading her response carefully to determine whether he has a shot. The question is: A shot at what?

Many women are wary of being singled out from afar in this way. They aren’t sure what the expectations are. Refusing a drink that’s already been prepared and delivered feels rude, but accepting it makes them feel obliged. If a woman looks up to identify the sender, and finds him attractive, how should she respond? What if she is not the least bit attracted to him? A girl practiced at accepting drinks from strangers may know how to play this moment expertly, but many women have no idea whether they are signaling thanks or an invitation to walk on over if they smile and wave.

A man who has sent the drink faces the risk of rejection, but his physical distance from his target mitigates his embarrassment. For many men, this is easier than a direct approach, but it’s also easier for a woman to turn down a guy from afar. He may well have no opportunity to charm her.

Cost: Low

Risk: Moderate

Payoff: Low

3. A man walks up to a woman in a bar and asks her if he can buy her a drink. If she accepts, he feels that she has indicated interest. Or at least he feels that she should be interested. He will be very annoyed if she accepts the drink and then turns her back to him. The woman accepting the drink figures the offer is unconditional, or should be. If a woman is definitely not interested, and wants to discourage any further conversation, she may say no thanks. Or she may take advantage of the guy, holding out the promise of a later reward while he pays for her drinks all night.

Cost: Moderate to High

Risk: Moderate to High

Payoff: Low to Moderate

4. Sometimes a man will start buying a girl drinks with the express purpose of getting her drunk. His strategy is to deliberately obscure her good judgment in hopes that she will act impulsively and have sex with him. Of course, he may overshoot and find that he is holding her hair back while she pukes on the sidewalk at closing time.

Cost: High

Risk: High

Payoff: Low to High

5. Finally, there is the option of a man approaching a woman and introducing himself without offering to pay for a drink. Once the guy feels secure in her attraction, he may offer to refill her drink, or get her one when he gets another for himself.

Cost: Low

Risk: Low to Moderate

Payoff: Low to High

Conclusion

The best overall strategy a man can follow is to approach a woman he finds attractive and introduce himself. He will have to display the necessary social skills to get her attention, but if she does indicate interest, he will know clearly that she has no ulterior motive and does not feel any sense of obligation due to his expenditure of resources. Once a rapport has been established, he may feel inclined to generously offer to buy her a drink, prolonging the interaction and signaling that he is willing to invest resources in getting to know her better. This is his call and is not required, though it may be effective in flattering his target.

One exception: When a woman finds a man attractive, and wants to make him aware of her presence, sending a drink over to him is a feisty and daring move. It is so unexpected, it is guaranteed to flatter the recipient, which is never a bad start. It’s a high-risk, low-cost move, otherwise known as What the Hell.

The Ethics of Buying and Accepting Drinks

Guys

1. Any drink sent to a woman without her advance knowledge is 100% unconditionally offered. As a man, you have no rights whatsoever in this scenario, nor should you have any expectations. A woman who accepts the drink and then refuses to even look your way may be rude, but she is not technically taking advantage of you. She did not invite you to approach her. She may even refuse the drink, which again, is reasonable.

2. Drinks sent to a group of women are unlikely to be refused – it is too difficult to ascertain the intent of the gesture and reach consensus on the spot. Again, this does not obligate the women to invite you over at all, much less spend the rest of the evening in your company.

3. If you approach a woman and offer to buy her a drink, and she accepts, you have the right to expect that at a minimum she will engage you in conversation. She should thank you and be receptive to whatever game you’re ready to spit at her. It’s your one shot, and if you blow it, don’t blame her. Essentially, her agreeing to accept a drink bought you an audition. That doesn’t mean you’re right for the part, and it doesn’t entitle you to anything.

4. Make your honorable intentions clear. A woman will feel nervous wondering what you want from her. Reassure her that you are interested in talking, period.

5. You are in no way obligated to offer to buy a woman anything. Indeed, as I’ve stated above, your best strategy is to hold off until you’ve got a sense that the attraction is mutual. Any woman who gives you grief for not plying her with drinks is a slush and should be considered unworthy of your attention.

6. If you are hitting it off with a girl, and offer to buy her a drink, and she accepts, you may feel encouraged, but you should not feel entitled to any specific reward. In fact, no amount of drinks entitles you to sex. If you want to get sex after dropping a couple of hundred dollars, there are more direct ways to achieve that.

7. If several guys are buying the same girl drinks, you are all being taken for a ride. A woman who is interested in one person will direct her focus and refuse the attention of other men.

8. NEVER buy a woman drinks with the express intent of getting her drunk. It’s beyond shady, and it proves that you can’t get laid by a woman in control of her faculties.

9. NEVER call a woman out angrily, calling her names, etc. If you believe you’ve been taken advantage of, walk away, and try a different strategy next time.

Girls

1. Accepting a drink from a man NEVER obligates you to:

It does obligate you to treat him with appreciation and respect.

2. If the drink has been sent over, you should seek eye contact, and thank him. When he approaches, you should be friendly regardless of your level of attraction to him. If you are not attracted to him, refrain from flirting or sending other encouraging signals.

3. Women often try to let guys down easy by telling them they’ve got a boyfriend. This is a good way to allow a man to save face. However, once you do that, you may not encourage another guy in front of him. Therefore, it’s best to say a simple “No, thank you” after a brief, friendly interaction. That way, you have done nothing misleading and can enjoy the rest of your evening without feeling awkward and guilty.

4. Never lead a guy on by allowing him to bankroll your tab for the evening. It’s selfish, rude and trashy. It gives all women a bad name.

5. Never accept a drink from a man when you are already engaged in talking to another man who is clearly interested. I’ve heard of women on dates accepting drinks from other men. Totally unacceptable!

6. Never accept a drink when you don’t want one. If you are interested, you can make that clear in ways other than accepting a drink you have no wish to consume. Don’t allow a well-intentioned guy to waste his hard-earned money.

7. Never accept a drink and pass it to a friend. I have heard of women who are driving accept the drink and give it away, a sort of present to a friend. This abuses the guy by diverting resources he wishes to spend on you to a woman he has shown no interest in.

8. Never penalize a man for not offering to buy you a drink right away. If on the other hand, a man goes to refill his own drink without offering to get you one, you may consider him cheap and stingy.

9. If you are interested in getting to know a guy who buys you a drink, it is appropriate and fair for you to offer to get the next round. This has the added benefit of letting him know clearly that you have no intention of taking advantage of him.

Signaling your attraction to someone by buying them a drink is an old-school, classy move. It remains one of the best ice-breakers for meeting new people in a public setting. As a device, it can be used effectively by both sexes. If both men and women adhere to the principles of decency and generosity, there’s no reason for anyone to feel demeaned or abused by the practice.

So get out there and take your shot. When you see someone out who you find really hot, don’t go home wondering “What if?” Introduce yourself, make eye contact, turn on the charm. And if a bit of alcohol lubricates the interaction, that’s OK, no matter who’s paying.

The post The Ethics and Effectiveness of Men Buying Women Drinks appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1655740380) } [5]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(31) "How to Avoid Dating a Sociopath" ["link"]=> string(70) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2022/06/20/how-to-avoid-dating-a-sociopath/" ["comments"]=> string(78) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2022/06/20/how-to-avoid-dating-a-sociopath/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(13) "J. T. Ellison" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 20 Jun 2022 15:17:31 +0000" ["category"]=> string(68) "InterestingRelationship AdvicedatingRelationship Strategiessociopath" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=8723" ["description"]=> string(622) "

Filtering is the most important process in dating, and it’s your responsibility. Filtering Lesson #1:  Learn to identify a sociopath. The two most dangerous warning signs every woman should heed in dating: 1. Fearless Dominance 2. Self-centered Impulsivity That’s a one-two punch that can ruin your life. It’s a sociopath! Do not mate with It!  Jeremy […]

The post How to Avoid Dating a Sociopath appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(8484) "

Filtering is the most important process in dating, and it’s your responsibility.

Filtering Lesson #1:  Learn to identify a sociopath.

The two most dangerous warning signs every woman should heed in dating:

1. Fearless Dominance

2. Self-centered Impulsivity

That’s a one-two punch that can ruin your life. It’s a sociopath! Do not mate with It! 

Jeremy Dean, writing at PsyBlog, explains that all of the oh-so-charming traits of the sociopath/psychopath (same thing) fall into one of these two categories. Fearless dominance is the most useful of the two:

Far from seeming weird, psychopaths are charming and bold and don’t particularly care what other people think of them, unless they need to manipulate those perceptions in some way.

People high in fearless dominance are certainly not ‘mad’: they tend to be very outgoing people who are not at all neurotic.

There’s even a heroic element to fearless dominance. Some evidence suggests that those high in fearless dominance are more likely to help stranded motorists or break up fights in public.

It sounds like the world needs a few sociopaths, right? In fact there are about 12 million American sociopaths:

Psychologist Martha Stout – who – clinical instructor in psychiatry at Harvard Medical School for 25 years – estimates in her book The Sociopath Next Door that as many as 4% of the population are conscienceless sociopaths who have no empathy or affectionate feelings for humans or animals.

Even if you’re not dating one, chances are you’ll encounter a sociopath at work:

Sociopaths will tend to rise to positions of power and authority. Most of us defer to authority so sociopaths’ influence and the havoc they wreak far exceeds their representation as a percentage of the population.

Sociopaths can be male or female, but 75% of them are male. That means 9 million men without a conscience or the ability to experience affection. Men who do not know right from wrong. Even Dexter does better than that!

There’s also self-centered impulsivity, the greater of two evils, which always accompanies fearless dominance in sociopaths:

The darker side of being a psychopath is that they find it difficult to control their impulses.

If they want to do something, they just go ahead and do it; there’s no fear or anxiety to hold them back.

Psychopaths continually take risks, with no regard to the consequences. Psychopaths are also usually very manipulative and likely to engage in promiscuous sexual relationships and have the potential to commit crimes (although many do not).

Here are some of the most notable traits of sociopaths from Hare’s Checklist:

  1. Charm
  2. Extremely high self-esteem
  3. Lack of remorse
  4. Habitual lying
  5. Shallow emotional affect
  6. Impulsiveness
  7. Need for stimulation/prone to boredom
  8. Promiscuity
  9. Reliance on sociological strategies to deceive 

The risk to you is that the charming (1), self-confident (2) guy who “falls” for you (9) and whisks you off (6) for a special weekend on short-notice (7) and pretends to be a “good guy,” (9) is also a lying (4), cold-blooded (3,5), manwhore (8).

From The Wisdom of Psychopaths, here are the professions with the most and least psychopaths. Of course, this doesn’t mean that every CEO is a psychopath, and I’ve known a few creative artists who definitely are. Rather, this list shows an “overlap between psychopathic personality traits and the types of people who go into those professions.”

Most Psychopaths:

  1. CEO
  2. Lawyer
  3. Media (TV/Radio)
  4. Salesperson
  5. Surgeon
  6. Journalist
  7. Police Officer
  8. Clergyperson
  9. Chef
  10. Civil Servant

Least Psychopaths:

  1. Care Aide
  2. Nurse
  3. Therapist
  4. Craftsperson
  5. Beautician/Stylist
  6. Charity Worker
  7. Teacher
  8. Creative Artist
  9. Doctor
  10. Accountant

Eric Barker wonders WHY?

Most of the professions [on the least list] require human connection, dealing with feelings and most of them don’t offer much power. Psychopaths, by their very nature, would not be drawn to or very good at these things.

On the other hand, most of the roles [on the most list] do offer power and many require an ability to make objective, clinical decisions divorced from feelings. Psychopaths would be drawn to these roles and thrive there.

Here are Martha Stout’s 13 rules for living in a world with so many sociopaths. They apply doubly to dating:

1. One must accept the fact that, unsavory as it is, some people simply have no conscience and that these people tend to be very “everyday.”

2. Learn to use your own judgment about people instead of relying on roles and labels to inform you about a person’s moral character.

3. Practice the Rule of Threes when considering a new relationship in your life. Three lies, and assume that you are hooking up with a liar.

4. Question authority.

5. Suspect flattery.

6. If necessary, you should redefine your concept of respect.

7. Don’t join the game.

8. Avoid the sociopath altogether.

9. Question your tendency to pity too easily.

10. Do not try to redeem the sociopath.

11. Never agree, out of pity or for any other reason, to help a sociopath conceal his or her true character from other people.

12. Do not allow someone without a conscience to convince you that humanity is a failure.

13. An old saw, but true nonetheless: living well is the best revenge.

Obviously, most sociopaths aren’t Ted Bundy. They join frats, play sports, approach you with ease at the bar, write blogs and work on Wall St. If you know what you’re doing, you can draft behind a sociopath at work and do quite well for yourself (I have, this move is not for novices).

But the one thing you never, ever want to do is give your heart to one.

The post How to Avoid Dating a Sociopath appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(75) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2022/06/20/how-to-avoid-dating-a-sociopath/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(622) "

Filtering is the most important process in dating, and it’s your responsibility. Filtering Lesson #1:  Learn to identify a sociopath. The two most dangerous warning signs every woman should heed in dating: 1. Fearless Dominance 2. Self-centered Impulsivity That’s a one-two punch that can ruin your life. It’s a sociopath! Do not mate with It!  Jeremy […]

The post How to Avoid Dating a Sociopath appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(8484) "

Filtering is the most important process in dating, and it’s your responsibility.

Filtering Lesson #1:  Learn to identify a sociopath.

The two most dangerous warning signs every woman should heed in dating:

1. Fearless Dominance

2. Self-centered Impulsivity

That’s a one-two punch that can ruin your life. It’s a sociopath! Do not mate with It! 

Jeremy Dean, writing at PsyBlog, explains that all of the oh-so-charming traits of the sociopath/psychopath (same thing) fall into one of these two categories. Fearless dominance is the most useful of the two:

Far from seeming weird, psychopaths are charming and bold and don’t particularly care what other people think of them, unless they need to manipulate those perceptions in some way.

People high in fearless dominance are certainly not ‘mad’: they tend to be very outgoing people who are not at all neurotic.

There’s even a heroic element to fearless dominance. Some evidence suggests that those high in fearless dominance are more likely to help stranded motorists or break up fights in public.

It sounds like the world needs a few sociopaths, right? In fact there are about 12 million American sociopaths:

Psychologist Martha Stout – who – clinical instructor in psychiatry at Harvard Medical School for 25 years – estimates in her book The Sociopath Next Door that as many as 4% of the population are conscienceless sociopaths who have no empathy or affectionate feelings for humans or animals.

Even if you’re not dating one, chances are you’ll encounter a sociopath at work:

Sociopaths will tend to rise to positions of power and authority. Most of us defer to authority so sociopaths’ influence and the havoc they wreak far exceeds their representation as a percentage of the population.

Sociopaths can be male or female, but 75% of them are male. That means 9 million men without a conscience or the ability to experience affection. Men who do not know right from wrong. Even Dexter does better than that!

There’s also self-centered impulsivity, the greater of two evils, which always accompanies fearless dominance in sociopaths:

The darker side of being a psychopath is that they find it difficult to control their impulses.

If they want to do something, they just go ahead and do it; there’s no fear or anxiety to hold them back.

Psychopaths continually take risks, with no regard to the consequences. Psychopaths are also usually very manipulative and likely to engage in promiscuous sexual relationships and have the potential to commit crimes (although many do not).

Here are some of the most notable traits of sociopaths from Hare’s Checklist:

  1. Charm
  2. Extremely high self-esteem
  3. Lack of remorse
  4. Habitual lying
  5. Shallow emotional affect
  6. Impulsiveness
  7. Need for stimulation/prone to boredom
  8. Promiscuity
  9. Reliance on sociological strategies to deceive 

The risk to you is that the charming (1), self-confident (2) guy who “falls” for you (9) and whisks you off (6) for a special weekend on short-notice (7) and pretends to be a “good guy,” (9) is also a lying (4), cold-blooded (3,5), manwhore (8).

From The Wisdom of Psychopaths, here are the professions with the most and least psychopaths. Of course, this doesn’t mean that every CEO is a psychopath, and I’ve known a few creative artists who definitely are. Rather, this list shows an “overlap between psychopathic personality traits and the types of people who go into those professions.”

Most Psychopaths:

  1. CEO
  2. Lawyer
  3. Media (TV/Radio)
  4. Salesperson
  5. Surgeon
  6. Journalist
  7. Police Officer
  8. Clergyperson
  9. Chef
  10. Civil Servant

Least Psychopaths:

  1. Care Aide
  2. Nurse
  3. Therapist
  4. Craftsperson
  5. Beautician/Stylist
  6. Charity Worker
  7. Teacher
  8. Creative Artist
  9. Doctor
  10. Accountant

Eric Barker wonders WHY?

Most of the professions [on the least list] require human connection, dealing with feelings and most of them don’t offer much power. Psychopaths, by their very nature, would not be drawn to or very good at these things.

On the other hand, most of the roles [on the most list] do offer power and many require an ability to make objective, clinical decisions divorced from feelings. Psychopaths would be drawn to these roles and thrive there.

Here are Martha Stout’s 13 rules for living in a world with so many sociopaths. They apply doubly to dating:

1. One must accept the fact that, unsavory as it is, some people simply have no conscience and that these people tend to be very “everyday.”

2. Learn to use your own judgment about people instead of relying on roles and labels to inform you about a person’s moral character.

3. Practice the Rule of Threes when considering a new relationship in your life. Three lies, and assume that you are hooking up with a liar.

4. Question authority.

5. Suspect flattery.

6. If necessary, you should redefine your concept of respect.

7. Don’t join the game.

8. Avoid the sociopath altogether.

9. Question your tendency to pity too easily.

10. Do not try to redeem the sociopath.

11. Never agree, out of pity or for any other reason, to help a sociopath conceal his or her true character from other people.

12. Do not allow someone without a conscience to convince you that humanity is a failure.

13. An old saw, but true nonetheless: living well is the best revenge.

Obviously, most sociopaths aren’t Ted Bundy. They join frats, play sports, approach you with ease at the bar, write blogs and work on Wall St. If you know what you’re doing, you can draft behind a sociopath at work and do quite well for yourself (I have, this move is not for novices).

But the one thing you never, ever want to do is give your heart to one.

The post How to Avoid Dating a Sociopath appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1655738251) } [6]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(32) "Moving From Hookup to Girlfriend" ["link"]=> string(71) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2022/06/20/moving-from-hookup-to-girlfriend/" ["comments"]=> string(79) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2022/06/20/moving-from-hookup-to-girlfriend/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(13) "J. T. Ellison" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 20 Jun 2022 14:55:20 +0000" ["category"]=> string(293) "Relationship Advicebenefits of relationshipboyfriendboyschallengeCollegecommitmentconnectiondumpedemoExfriendgirlgirlfriendgirlsguyguyshard to gethooking uphookuphoshotindependentlovemaleMEDIAorgasmplayerpowerQuality Boyrandomrantrelationshipsscenesexstatusstrategysuccesssupply and demandtext" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=8719" ["description"]=> string(563) "

“I think the quality of sexiness comes from within. It is something that is in you or it isn’t and it really doesn’t have much to do with breasts or thighs or the pout of your lips. Sex appeal is fifty percent what you’ve got and fifty percent what people think you’ve got.” Sophia Loren […]

The post Moving From Hookup to Girlfriend appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(11484) "

I think the quality of sexiness comes from within. It is something that is in you or it isn’t and it really doesn’t have much to do with breasts or thighs or the pout of your lips. Sex appeal is fifty percent what you’ve got and fifty percent what people think you’ve got.”

Sophia Loren

Currently, the market value of relationships is very low because guys are enjoying a great deal of casual sex without strings attached. That makes life quite difficult for the girl who wants a relationship. Only when women start demanding love and respect, i.e., a higher price, in return for sex will men feel the pressure to offer commitment.

How do you go about getting into a satisfying relationship with a Quality Boy?

To review, a Quality Boy does the following:

In order to come up with a winning strategy for getting what you want, you need to figure out exactly what you are offering. You intend to offer a product in the marketplace: You. More specifically, it’s the opportunity for a worthy boy to share a relationship with you, and all of the benefits that will come from that. I am in no way advocating for deception, trickery, games or manipulation in order to get the boy you want. Rather, Hooking Up Smart is about understanding your own strengths and weaknesses, both innate and environmental, and employing that insight strategically to improve your chances of success.

Product Positioning

You are a strong young woman who respects herself and understands her value. There is nothing common about you. You will not be taken for granted and do not sell yourself cheaply. As a girl of high value, you require a luxury product strategy. Luxury products require significant investment, and bestow significant benefits on the investor, including status. A boy who gets to be with you increases his status. Not his status as a player, but his status as a boy who can attract and keep a really great girl. Not a needy girl who desperately wants a boyfriend, but a confident girl who has options.

The Quality Boy will need to invest considerable time and effort to secure your love. That is why he will value you. His friends will know that you are hard to get, that you don’t hook up randomly, that you are a trophy girl. They may not envy his relationship status initially, but they will learn to respect it. Over time, they’ll figure out that you are a great, independent, low-maintenance girlfriend and that he is regularly having really good sex. And then they will envy him!

Unique Benefits

To lure a boy away from his natural inclination to have sex with as great a variety of girls as possible, you must offer product benefits that are unique. He must perceive that he has achieved something that was previously unattainable, and this will fulfill his need to increase his status.

So what are these benefits? If he values relationships so much, why does he avoid having one? You will have to educate the consumer. You will have to advertise and market your product so that your target market will understand what benefits will be obtained if he invests in the product.

Status

The most important thing to college guys is their social status among their male peers. In the hooking up scene, a boy’s status among his peers is highest if he succeeds in getting a ton of sex with zero strings attached. You need to offer a way for him to achieve status even if he opts out of all the random hooking up.

Realistically, it’s unlikely that the guys who are the most successful at hooking up are going to meet our standards for a Quality Boy. They may have the potential to become a Quality Boy, but if they are strutting around feeling like “the man” at the moment, then they are probably not ready for, or deserving of, a wonderful girl like you. You want to target those boys who show signs of being ready now. You don’t want to waste time with players. You need to identify a boy whose mother taught him to respect girls and be polite right out of the gate. Look carefully, and keep an open mind. They’re out there.

Once you have figured out who is a waste of time, and who is worth getting to know better, you will focus on demonstrating that being with you would enhance his status. In one college study, boys described one of the “rules” that applied to hooking up on campus: “If a girl does not have sex by the third hookup, end it.” What was interesting about this particular rule, though, was that there were three exceptions: “really hot chicks, Christian chicks and Asian chicks.” So if you happened to be one of those girls, you apparently got a little longer before you had to put out or be dumped.

Aside from the fact that both the rule and its exceptions are disgusting, it does prove that boys are willing to adjust their strategy to adapt to market conditions. They will bend the rules to obtain something that is more difficult to win. You have to be that exception. You have to be more difficult to win. That is what will deliver the status he craves from his guy friends.

Power

Here’s a key piece of information about men: one of their most common fantasies involves overcoming resistance to obtain sex. They like overcoming a challenge to feel powerful. A guy wants to feel more powerful than you. This makes him feel like a man. It doesn’t make him a misogynist, it makes him human, and true to his nature.

Believe it or not, even though boys are defining the rules of hooking up, they feel that girls have all the power. They define it as the power to say no. And they also worry about the power women have to compare. Guys want to be with girls who make them feel successful as men. He desperately wants to believe that he is sexually powerful and able to please you sexually. This is much more likely to happen in a relationship than in a one-night stand. He will be genuinely turned on if he has genuinely turned you on. Men enjoy sex without feelings of power and conquest. But the sex is much better if he feels them.

Challenge

As we’ve seen, status is the reward for successfully meeting a challenge. It is up to you to define the nature of that challenge. We all know that we do not value what is too easily won. When a guy is too eager to please, we lose interest. It’s the same with guys. They know that you would prefer not to have sex so soon. They know you are doing it to please them now for a payoff later. When you give in to their demands right away, they will enjoy the sex but find you weak, or even pathetic.

Boys do not want to be with a girl who is easy, needy or acts like a doormat. Boys want a girl who is strong, smart and feisty. Feisty girls are not monotonous, they are interesting. They fight back. Smart, strong girls keep guys on their toes. They refuse to be taken for granted. They insist on being treated with respect. And guys say they believe that assertive girls are better in bed. They think it’s sexy when a girl knows what she likes and demands it.

Connection

Many guys would say they don’t want to be committed to one girl. But connection is not the same as commitment. All humans thrive on connection to others. Relationships with girls give guys an opportunity to develop more intimate ways of relating and communicating. It gives them a break from the pressure they feel when they are with their guy friends. Guys who act sexist and offensive when they are alone with each other are capable of being sweet and sensitive when they are alone with a girl. They enjoy it, but they also need it!

Research shows that guys admit to feeling devalued and degraded at times by the experience of hooking up. They also report feeling guilty when they have deceived a girl in order to get her to have sex, usually by pretending they are more interested in her than they really are.

Furthermore, a boy will have sex with a girl he doesn’t care about, but when he is not emotionally engaged he feels repulsion immediately after having an orgasm. He will continue to have sex with that girl until his feelings of repulsion toward her and himself outweigh his sexual desire, at which point he will disappear. I have heard girls express outrage when they’ve been dumped by a hookup, claiming it’s insulting that they are not even worth a booty call. But the truth is that when a boy is using a girl, his responsibility for her unhappiness begins to weigh on him. Imagine how differently a boy feels when he does like a girl, and experiences how the sex feels when he is really into her and wants to make her happy. The brain is the most important sex organ, and that’s much more likely to be engaged when a boy cares for the girl he is with.

Loyalty and faithfulness are the two qualities that men rate highest when they are looking for a mate. Going back to our caveman ancestors for a moment, it has always been very important for men to find a mate they could trust. Otherwise, they ran the risk of helping to raise children who might not really be theirs. The best way of feeling sure that a lifetime of commitment to a woman and her children was justified was identifying characteristics in the female that made her seem impervious to the advances of other men. This is why men feel sexual jealousy easily, and why most guys want to be with someone who is hard to get. If a woman is hard to get, she probably hasn’t been with a lot of men. (Conversely, when a woman puts out too soon, a guy will immediately wonder how many other guys she has been with.) She’s very choosy, and is less likely to cheat on him in the future. If she chooses him, he has won her. She is a prize.

It is your job to be effective in advertising that you are ready and willing to provide these benefits. Many boys will resist falling in love. You must create cracks for him to fall through.

The post Moving From Hookup to Girlfriend appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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“I think the quality of sexiness comes from within. It is something that is in you or it isn’t and it really doesn’t have much to do with breasts or thighs or the pout of your lips. Sex appeal is fifty percent what you’ve got and fifty percent what people think you’ve got.” Sophia Loren […]

The post Moving From Hookup to Girlfriend appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(11484) "

I think the quality of sexiness comes from within. It is something that is in you or it isn’t and it really doesn’t have much to do with breasts or thighs or the pout of your lips. Sex appeal is fifty percent what you’ve got and fifty percent what people think you’ve got.”

Sophia Loren

Currently, the market value of relationships is very low because guys are enjoying a great deal of casual sex without strings attached. That makes life quite difficult for the girl who wants a relationship. Only when women start demanding love and respect, i.e., a higher price, in return for sex will men feel the pressure to offer commitment.

How do you go about getting into a satisfying relationship with a Quality Boy?

To review, a Quality Boy does the following:

In order to come up with a winning strategy for getting what you want, you need to figure out exactly what you are offering. You intend to offer a product in the marketplace: You. More specifically, it’s the opportunity for a worthy boy to share a relationship with you, and all of the benefits that will come from that. I am in no way advocating for deception, trickery, games or manipulation in order to get the boy you want. Rather, Hooking Up Smart is about understanding your own strengths and weaknesses, both innate and environmental, and employing that insight strategically to improve your chances of success.

Product Positioning

You are a strong young woman who respects herself and understands her value. There is nothing common about you. You will not be taken for granted and do not sell yourself cheaply. As a girl of high value, you require a luxury product strategy. Luxury products require significant investment, and bestow significant benefits on the investor, including status. A boy who gets to be with you increases his status. Not his status as a player, but his status as a boy who can attract and keep a really great girl. Not a needy girl who desperately wants a boyfriend, but a confident girl who has options.

The Quality Boy will need to invest considerable time and effort to secure your love. That is why he will value you. His friends will know that you are hard to get, that you don’t hook up randomly, that you are a trophy girl. They may not envy his relationship status initially, but they will learn to respect it. Over time, they’ll figure out that you are a great, independent, low-maintenance girlfriend and that he is regularly having really good sex. And then they will envy him!

Unique Benefits

To lure a boy away from his natural inclination to have sex with as great a variety of girls as possible, you must offer product benefits that are unique. He must perceive that he has achieved something that was previously unattainable, and this will fulfill his need to increase his status.

So what are these benefits? If he values relationships so much, why does he avoid having one? You will have to educate the consumer. You will have to advertise and market your product so that your target market will understand what benefits will be obtained if he invests in the product.

Status

The most important thing to college guys is their social status among their male peers. In the hooking up scene, a boy’s status among his peers is highest if he succeeds in getting a ton of sex with zero strings attached. You need to offer a way for him to achieve status even if he opts out of all the random hooking up.

Realistically, it’s unlikely that the guys who are the most successful at hooking up are going to meet our standards for a Quality Boy. They may have the potential to become a Quality Boy, but if they are strutting around feeling like “the man” at the moment, then they are probably not ready for, or deserving of, a wonderful girl like you. You want to target those boys who show signs of being ready now. You don’t want to waste time with players. You need to identify a boy whose mother taught him to respect girls and be polite right out of the gate. Look carefully, and keep an open mind. They’re out there.

Once you have figured out who is a waste of time, and who is worth getting to know better, you will focus on demonstrating that being with you would enhance his status. In one college study, boys described one of the “rules” that applied to hooking up on campus: “If a girl does not have sex by the third hookup, end it.” What was interesting about this particular rule, though, was that there were three exceptions: “really hot chicks, Christian chicks and Asian chicks.” So if you happened to be one of those girls, you apparently got a little longer before you had to put out or be dumped.

Aside from the fact that both the rule and its exceptions are disgusting, it does prove that boys are willing to adjust their strategy to adapt to market conditions. They will bend the rules to obtain something that is more difficult to win. You have to be that exception. You have to be more difficult to win. That is what will deliver the status he craves from his guy friends.

Power

Here’s a key piece of information about men: one of their most common fantasies involves overcoming resistance to obtain sex. They like overcoming a challenge to feel powerful. A guy wants to feel more powerful than you. This makes him feel like a man. It doesn’t make him a misogynist, it makes him human, and true to his nature.

Believe it or not, even though boys are defining the rules of hooking up, they feel that girls have all the power. They define it as the power to say no. And they also worry about the power women have to compare. Guys want to be with girls who make them feel successful as men. He desperately wants to believe that he is sexually powerful and able to please you sexually. This is much more likely to happen in a relationship than in a one-night stand. He will be genuinely turned on if he has genuinely turned you on. Men enjoy sex without feelings of power and conquest. But the sex is much better if he feels them.

Challenge

As we’ve seen, status is the reward for successfully meeting a challenge. It is up to you to define the nature of that challenge. We all know that we do not value what is too easily won. When a guy is too eager to please, we lose interest. It’s the same with guys. They know that you would prefer not to have sex so soon. They know you are doing it to please them now for a payoff later. When you give in to their demands right away, they will enjoy the sex but find you weak, or even pathetic.

Boys do not want to be with a girl who is easy, needy or acts like a doormat. Boys want a girl who is strong, smart and feisty. Feisty girls are not monotonous, they are interesting. They fight back. Smart, strong girls keep guys on their toes. They refuse to be taken for granted. They insist on being treated with respect. And guys say they believe that assertive girls are better in bed. They think it’s sexy when a girl knows what she likes and demands it.

Connection

Many guys would say they don’t want to be committed to one girl. But connection is not the same as commitment. All humans thrive on connection to others. Relationships with girls give guys an opportunity to develop more intimate ways of relating and communicating. It gives them a break from the pressure they feel when they are with their guy friends. Guys who act sexist and offensive when they are alone with each other are capable of being sweet and sensitive when they are alone with a girl. They enjoy it, but they also need it!

Research shows that guys admit to feeling devalued and degraded at times by the experience of hooking up. They also report feeling guilty when they have deceived a girl in order to get her to have sex, usually by pretending they are more interested in her than they really are.

Furthermore, a boy will have sex with a girl he doesn’t care about, but when he is not emotionally engaged he feels repulsion immediately after having an orgasm. He will continue to have sex with that girl until his feelings of repulsion toward her and himself outweigh his sexual desire, at which point he will disappear. I have heard girls express outrage when they’ve been dumped by a hookup, claiming it’s insulting that they are not even worth a booty call. But the truth is that when a boy is using a girl, his responsibility for her unhappiness begins to weigh on him. Imagine how differently a boy feels when he does like a girl, and experiences how the sex feels when he is really into her and wants to make her happy. The brain is the most important sex organ, and that’s much more likely to be engaged when a boy cares for the girl he is with.

Loyalty and faithfulness are the two qualities that men rate highest when they are looking for a mate. Going back to our caveman ancestors for a moment, it has always been very important for men to find a mate they could trust. Otherwise, they ran the risk of helping to raise children who might not really be theirs. The best way of feeling sure that a lifetime of commitment to a woman and her children was justified was identifying characteristics in the female that made her seem impervious to the advances of other men. This is why men feel sexual jealousy easily, and why most guys want to be with someone who is hard to get. If a woman is hard to get, she probably hasn’t been with a lot of men. (Conversely, when a woman puts out too soon, a guy will immediately wonder how many other guys she has been with.) She’s very choosy, and is less likely to cheat on him in the future. If she chooses him, he has won her. She is a prize.

It is your job to be effective in advertising that you are ready and willing to provide these benefits. Many boys will resist falling in love. You must create cracks for him to fall through.

The post Moving From Hookup to Girlfriend appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1655736920) } [7]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(48) "5 Ways to Get More Control of Your Relationships" ["link"]=> string(87) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2022/06/20/5-ways-to-get-more-control-of-your-relationships/" ["comments"]=> string(95) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2022/06/20/5-ways-to-get-more-control-of-your-relationships/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(12) "Guest Author" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 20 Jun 2022 14:44:06 +0000" ["category"]=> string(362) "Relationship AdviceboyfriendCollegecommitmentcrushdatedatingdramadumpedegoemoExflirtfriendfriendshipgirlgirlfriendgirlsguyguyshard to gethealthhonesthook uphooking uphookuphookup culturehotIMindependentjerkskissliesMBAMEDIAmenpartyplanpowerrandomRelationshiprelationshipsrespectromanticscenesexslowsmartstrategysuccesssupply and demandTAtouchwasting timewitwomen" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=8714" ["description"]=> string(653) "

Willard Waller was a sociologist who coined the phrase “The Principle of Least Interest.” It simply states that the person who has the least interest in continuing a relationship has the greatest power. Waller developed the theory after observing many dating couples at Penn State, where he noticed that romantic partners usually had unequal degrees of […]

The post 5 Ways to Get More Control of Your Relationships appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(7421) "

Willard Waller was a sociologist who coined the phrase “The Principle of Least Interest.” It simply states that the person who has the least interest in continuing a relationship has the greatest power. Waller developed the theory after observing many dating couples at Penn State, where he noticed that romantic partners usually had unequal degrees of emotional involvement. He claimed that if the inequity became too large, one partner would be in a position to exploit the other emotionally. It’s a variation on supply and demand theory. In fact, although the concept was articulated specifically to relate to relationships, it has over time become an economic principle as well, applied frequently to negotiation and marketing strategy.

In her recent book Hooking Up: Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus, Kathleen Bogle cites Waller’s research and applies it to the hookup culture. She states that in the college hookup scene, men are the least interested in participating in exclusive relationships. They perceive that they have many women to choose from, and therefore have “no need to hold onto” one particular woman. In contrast, women in her study were focused on trying to turn hookups into boyfriends. Bogle sees this as an extension of the idea that women’s “clocks are ticking” while men “have all the time in the world.” For that reason, the imbalance continues past the college years. Women well into their 20s express frustration at guys’ general unwillingness to be in a committed relationship.

While there are exceptions, this means that most women enter new romantic encounters in a one-down position. I am consistently amazed at how even guys who are not sweet believe that they hold all the cards. They act like sex gods, assuming that women are trying to trap them into relationships. Perhaps they’re right. Overhearing a conversation on New Year’s Eve, I was struck by the general agreement among a group of girls that “boyfriends are ugly.” Again, there are exceptions, but there was definitely consensus that many girls “date down” in order to secure a commitment, even if temporary. To add insult to injury, many women tolerate boyfriends who treat them badly and are crap in the sack.

What are the options available to women who want to be in control of their personal relationships?

The most common approach is for women to play hard to get, casting themselves in the role of Least Interested Party to gain the upper hand. The theory goes that by seeming difficult to attain, men will put forth more effort.  The problem with this approach is that once the woman allows herself to be “caught,” she either becomes easy to hold onto (and is right back where she started), or must constantly play a game of one upsmanship to keep the guy interested.

Another popular strategy is for women to stop wasting time on the guys who don’t want something real. He’s Just Not That Into You, so don’t waste the pretty. This approach has several advantages. You don’t waste as much time. You become known as a girl who can’t be dicked around. You are not constantly getting crushed by jerks. On the other hand, this approach can lead straight to the dating desert. You don’t waste time with jerks, but where are the great guys who want to date? Guys know you won’t hook up randomly, so you find yourself ignored at a party. You may not be getting dumped, but life sure gets boring when there is no guy intrigue or boy drama.

Practice Self-Control

If you control your own behavior, you have more control overall. No one can exploit you without your cooperation.

  1. Make sure that your level of interest is no greater than his. You will have more power if you are truly less interested, not just pretending indifference. Keep your level of emotional investment “appropriate” to the circumstances. The kiss of death: being needy, eager, too serious early on. Don’t go there. Take it slow.
  2. Develop a “walk-away” position. You know what you are willing to do, and what you will not tolerate. You are prepared to respect your own limits. When the other person crosses that line, you walk. For this strategy to be effective, it is very important that you clearly articulate your expectations in advance. If he doesn’t know what your dealbreakers are, he will be unable to honor them. On the other hand, if he understands the limits and doesn’t observe them, he is telling you clearly that he is not prepared to give you what you want. Once you have made your dealbreakers clear, you MUST see it through. If you cave,  you will be in a weaker position than ever.
  3. Be independent. Act like a free agent when you are one. Don’t be exclusive with someone who has not agreed to be exclusive with you. Make a point of spending time with other guys, whether you want to or not. This is NOT about trying to make someone jealous. Do not flirt with his good friends. Go out and meet guys that he doesn’t know. Develop friendships and relationships with new people when you have the opportunity. Think of yourself as “single,” because that is what you are. You are entitled to hang out or hook up with anyone you want to, and owe no explanations.
  4. Keep your priorities straight. A hookup does not come before girlfriends, work, studying, family, Gossip Girl, etc. EVER. He is one person in your life, with a limited role to play, at least for now. Do not get caught up in analyzing every word he says, how often he is in touch, etc. Try not to discuss him constantly with your girlfriends–that just fuels the fire.
  5. Start strong and stay strong. You can express your interest and still be strong, because you are making it clear that your interest is conditional. You are not faking nonchalance. Think of it as making a decision not to get addicted to a potentially unhealthy substance. Too often women enter relationships in binge mode, and have purge mode thrust upon them. Keep your interest steady and your head on straight.

The post 5 Ways to Get More Control of Your Relationships appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(92) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2022/06/20/5-ways-to-get-more-control-of-your-relationships/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(653) "

Willard Waller was a sociologist who coined the phrase “The Principle of Least Interest.” It simply states that the person who has the least interest in continuing a relationship has the greatest power. Waller developed the theory after observing many dating couples at Penn State, where he noticed that romantic partners usually had unequal degrees of […]

The post 5 Ways to Get More Control of Your Relationships appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(7421) "

Willard Waller was a sociologist who coined the phrase “The Principle of Least Interest.” It simply states that the person who has the least interest in continuing a relationship has the greatest power. Waller developed the theory after observing many dating couples at Penn State, where he noticed that romantic partners usually had unequal degrees of emotional involvement. He claimed that if the inequity became too large, one partner would be in a position to exploit the other emotionally. It’s a variation on supply and demand theory. In fact, although the concept was articulated specifically to relate to relationships, it has over time become an economic principle as well, applied frequently to negotiation and marketing strategy.

In her recent book Hooking Up: Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus, Kathleen Bogle cites Waller’s research and applies it to the hookup culture. She states that in the college hookup scene, men are the least interested in participating in exclusive relationships. They perceive that they have many women to choose from, and therefore have “no need to hold onto” one particular woman. In contrast, women in her study were focused on trying to turn hookups into boyfriends. Bogle sees this as an extension of the idea that women’s “clocks are ticking” while men “have all the time in the world.” For that reason, the imbalance continues past the college years. Women well into their 20s express frustration at guys’ general unwillingness to be in a committed relationship.

While there are exceptions, this means that most women enter new romantic encounters in a one-down position. I am consistently amazed at how even guys who are not sweet believe that they hold all the cards. They act like sex gods, assuming that women are trying to trap them into relationships. Perhaps they’re right. Overhearing a conversation on New Year’s Eve, I was struck by the general agreement among a group of girls that “boyfriends are ugly.” Again, there are exceptions, but there was definitely consensus that many girls “date down” in order to secure a commitment, even if temporary. To add insult to injury, many women tolerate boyfriends who treat them badly and are crap in the sack.

What are the options available to women who want to be in control of their personal relationships?

The most common approach is for women to play hard to get, casting themselves in the role of Least Interested Party to gain the upper hand. The theory goes that by seeming difficult to attain, men will put forth more effort.  The problem with this approach is that once the woman allows herself to be “caught,” she either becomes easy to hold onto (and is right back where she started), or must constantly play a game of one upsmanship to keep the guy interested.

Another popular strategy is for women to stop wasting time on the guys who don’t want something real. He’s Just Not That Into You, so don’t waste the pretty. This approach has several advantages. You don’t waste as much time. You become known as a girl who can’t be dicked around. You are not constantly getting crushed by jerks. On the other hand, this approach can lead straight to the dating desert. You don’t waste time with jerks, but where are the great guys who want to date? Guys know you won’t hook up randomly, so you find yourself ignored at a party. You may not be getting dumped, but life sure gets boring when there is no guy intrigue or boy drama.

Practice Self-Control

If you control your own behavior, you have more control overall. No one can exploit you without your cooperation.

  1. Make sure that your level of interest is no greater than his. You will have more power if you are truly less interested, not just pretending indifference. Keep your level of emotional investment “appropriate” to the circumstances. The kiss of death: being needy, eager, too serious early on. Don’t go there. Take it slow.
  2. Develop a “walk-away” position. You know what you are willing to do, and what you will not tolerate. You are prepared to respect your own limits. When the other person crosses that line, you walk. For this strategy to be effective, it is very important that you clearly articulate your expectations in advance. If he doesn’t know what your dealbreakers are, he will be unable to honor them. On the other hand, if he understands the limits and doesn’t observe them, he is telling you clearly that he is not prepared to give you what you want. Once you have made your dealbreakers clear, you MUST see it through. If you cave,  you will be in a weaker position than ever.
  3. Be independent. Act like a free agent when you are one. Don’t be exclusive with someone who has not agreed to be exclusive with you. Make a point of spending time with other guys, whether you want to or not. This is NOT about trying to make someone jealous. Do not flirt with his good friends. Go out and meet guys that he doesn’t know. Develop friendships and relationships with new people when you have the opportunity. Think of yourself as “single,” because that is what you are. You are entitled to hang out or hook up with anyone you want to, and owe no explanations.
  4. Keep your priorities straight. A hookup does not come before girlfriends, work, studying, family, Gossip Girl, etc. EVER. He is one person in your life, with a limited role to play, at least for now. Do not get caught up in analyzing every word he says, how often he is in touch, etc. Try not to discuss him constantly with your girlfriends–that just fuels the fire.
  5. Start strong and stay strong. You can express your interest and still be strong, because you are making it clear that your interest is conditional. You are not faking nonchalance. Think of it as making a decision not to get addicted to a potentially unhealthy substance. Too often women enter relationships in binge mode, and have purge mode thrust upon them. Keep your interest steady and your head on straight.

The post 5 Ways to Get More Control of Your Relationships appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1655736246) } [8]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(32) "Why You Don’t Have A Boyfriend" ["link"]=> string(68) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2022/06/20/why-you-dont-have-a-boyfriend/" ["comments"]=> string(76) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2022/06/20/why-you-dont-have-a-boyfriend/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(13) "J. T. Ellison" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 20 Jun 2022 14:31:27 +0000" ["category"]=> string(116) "Relationship AdviceDalrockfemininityFeminismFreedom Twenty-FiveFrostGrerpwhat men wantwhy you don't have a boyfriend" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=8709" ["description"]=> string(596) "

Ladies, finding a decent guy and locking him down for at least a semi-serious commitment is actually easier than your typical Jezebel reader. It just requires a conscious effort to understand and ameliorate yourself to what a man wants in a potential mate. The reason so many of you are struggling to find love and companionship (and […]

The post Why You Don’t Have A Boyfriend appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(9975) "

Ladies, finding a decent guy and locking him down for at least a semi-serious commitment is actually easier than your typical Jezebel reader. It just requires a conscious effort to understand and ameliorate yourself to what a man wants in a potential mate. The reason so many of you are struggling to find love and companionship (and why many who don’t read this post will continue do so for the remainder of their marriageable years) is that you’ve been fed a lifetime’s worth of lies.

As a loyal Loveawake blog reader, you’re already familiar with the idea that much of what society calls conventional wisdom is actually crap. Your role models are false idols, your intellectual leaders are full of it, and the culture that raised you is hostile to your best interests. Confusing, I know. I’m about to offer you my thoughts on how a 21st-century young American woman can best present herself to get a decent guy to fall for her and treat her well.

From my experiences sleeping with and dating quite a few of your generation, I’ve found that many of your peers do not have the basic knowledge I’m about to share. Internalize it, and you’ll have much more success in the most important facet of your life than you would otherwise. So ladies, without further ado:

The Top Five Reasons You Still Don’t Have A Boyfriend

1) You’re Fat

You can be the smartest, coolest, funniest, sweetest little cupcake that has ever existed, but if you aren’t within 10 lbs. of your ideal weight, quality men won’t give you a second glance. And don’t kid yourself about where the boundary lies between “fat” and “not fat.” If you have to ask, you’ve lumbered over to the wrong side.

2) You Don’t Take Care of Yourself

Dressing well, making appropriate use of makeup and a flattering haircut will add a point or two to your perceived attractiveness. Looks aren’t the only thing that men care about, but they are the first thing. If a woman isn’t physically attractive enough to garner our initial interest, we’ll never give her a chance to demonstrate any of her non-physical qualities.

3) You Act Like a Man

Men don’t want to date girls who act like our buddies. Many women think that the road to a man’s heart is paved with abrasive verbal sparring, but nothing could be further from the truth. If you treat every conversation as a competition, if your first instinct when responding to someone else is to think of a way to disagree, if caustic sarcasm is your default tone, check yourself. No self-respecting man will tolerate an unpleasant, disagreeable demeanor.

4) You’re a Whore

A whore is a woman who exchanges sexual favours for money. Are you a whore? Do you expect the men you date to pay for your dinners, take you on vacations, and shower you with gifts? If so, then yes, you’re a whore. Which is actually fine with me (a girl’s gotta eat). But this is a post about getting a boyfriend, not a client base.

In a world where women are almost as financially well-off as men (and getting closer every day), there is no reason for the man to be expected to pay for shared expenses during courtship. Unless of course, you are using him, and he is a sucker. But would you rather be eating free with a sucker, or taking turns paying with a real man?

Personally, I don’t care about the financial burden of picking up a check. My dates are cheap anyways. But almost every man takes it as a good sign of a girl’s character and potential for a more serious relationship, if she makes a serious attempt to pay on the initial dates.

5) You’re a Slut

Men don’t like sluts. Actually, that’s not true. We love sluts. We just don’t want to wake up next to them, take them on creative dates, introduce them to our friends, commit to, or god forbid, put a ring on them. But they make for cheap and easy bangin’, and we love that. The reasons for the near-universal male disdain of sluts are complex, but they are biologically ingrained and immutable. Even if they weren’t, there are good practical reasons for a healthy male resistance to the fool’s errand of turning a ho into a housewife.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t sleep around, girls. Even if I thought it was good universal advice, I wouldn’t be able to bring myself to type the words out, after all that your generation’s sluttiness has done for me. But I will caution you: The world is full of crazy feminists and Manginas who will tell you that it doesn’t matter how much mileage a girl has on her, and that it’s actually immoral for men to judge a slut as such. They are lying to you.

Men are extremely hesitant to commit to sluts, and if they say they do, it’s either because:

1) Their options are limited.

2) They’re lying.

(I’ll also concede that there is a small fraction of men with a crossed dendrite or two in their mate-selection circuits, who really don’t care. But the majority of men who claim to be such are actually just rationalizing their own inability to do better for themselves.)

So there’s the bad news. If you’re a perpetually single young woman, hopefully you saw a bit of yourself in those points. If you didn’t, go ahead and add:

6) You lack self awareness

The good news however, is that while you probably possess some combination of the above poor qualities, so does your competition. And since you’re reading this blog, you’ve got an information advantage. While most young women are being rendered undateable by a culture that encourages them to be fat, unkempt, coarse, materialistic fleshlights, you can follow the Freedom Twenty-Five Get Dateable For the Winter Plan. Only three easy steps!

1) Look Good

Incidentally, I write at length on the subject of how to not be fat. Short version: Eat paleo and lift weights. A woman with an athletic base cultivated through physical activity and resistance training will look better regardless of her weight, and will have a much easier time maintaining a sexy body. As for clothes, makeup and hairstyles, I am not the guy to help you out with that.

2) Be Fun

This one’s hard to teach in just a blog post, but:

I know, I sound like a greeting card. Here’s a tip that’s practical and useful:

3) Keep it in your Pants

Or at least, act like you usually do. Learn this list of promiscuity tells, and avoid them. Eventually though, in the course of dating and relationships, your past will come up. If it’s somewhat checkered, you’re probably not going to get away with papering over it. In the short term, almost definitely. But after years of dating, meeting each other’s friends, and accidentally leaving your phone, Facebook and email open in each other’s presence, the truth will eventually out. Be honest about it, and accept that it will be a deal-breaker for a small number of men, and a point against you for the rest. If you’re young and your sluttitude wasn’t too ridiculous, you’ll do fine.

Listen to your Grandma. Listen to your instincts. But unless you find the idea of planning elaborate birthday parties for each of your nineteen cats, force yourself to ignore the modern feminist movement, and the pop culture that festers around it.

The post Why You Don’t Have A Boyfriend appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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Ladies, finding a decent guy and locking him down for at least a semi-serious commitment is actually easier than your typical Jezebel reader. It just requires a conscious effort to understand and ameliorate yourself to what a man wants in a potential mate. The reason so many of you are struggling to find love and companionship (and […]

The post Why You Don’t Have A Boyfriend appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(9975) "

Ladies, finding a decent guy and locking him down for at least a semi-serious commitment is actually easier than your typical Jezebel reader. It just requires a conscious effort to understand and ameliorate yourself to what a man wants in a potential mate. The reason so many of you are struggling to find love and companionship (and why many who don’t read this post will continue do so for the remainder of their marriageable years) is that you’ve been fed a lifetime’s worth of lies.

As a loyal Loveawake blog reader, you’re already familiar with the idea that much of what society calls conventional wisdom is actually crap. Your role models are false idols, your intellectual leaders are full of it, and the culture that raised you is hostile to your best interests. Confusing, I know. I’m about to offer you my thoughts on how a 21st-century young American woman can best present herself to get a decent guy to fall for her and treat her well.

From my experiences sleeping with and dating quite a few of your generation, I’ve found that many of your peers do not have the basic knowledge I’m about to share. Internalize it, and you’ll have much more success in the most important facet of your life than you would otherwise. So ladies, without further ado:

The Top Five Reasons You Still Don’t Have A Boyfriend

1) You’re Fat

You can be the smartest, coolest, funniest, sweetest little cupcake that has ever existed, but if you aren’t within 10 lbs. of your ideal weight, quality men won’t give you a second glance. And don’t kid yourself about where the boundary lies between “fat” and “not fat.” If you have to ask, you’ve lumbered over to the wrong side.

2) You Don’t Take Care of Yourself

Dressing well, making appropriate use of makeup and a flattering haircut will add a point or two to your perceived attractiveness. Looks aren’t the only thing that men care about, but they are the first thing. If a woman isn’t physically attractive enough to garner our initial interest, we’ll never give her a chance to demonstrate any of her non-physical qualities.

3) You Act Like a Man

Men don’t want to date girls who act like our buddies. Many women think that the road to a man’s heart is paved with abrasive verbal sparring, but nothing could be further from the truth. If you treat every conversation as a competition, if your first instinct when responding to someone else is to think of a way to disagree, if caustic sarcasm is your default tone, check yourself. No self-respecting man will tolerate an unpleasant, disagreeable demeanor.

4) You’re a Whore

A whore is a woman who exchanges sexual favours for money. Are you a whore? Do you expect the men you date to pay for your dinners, take you on vacations, and shower you with gifts? If so, then yes, you’re a whore. Which is actually fine with me (a girl’s gotta eat). But this is a post about getting a boyfriend, not a client base.

In a world where women are almost as financially well-off as men (and getting closer every day), there is no reason for the man to be expected to pay for shared expenses during courtship. Unless of course, you are using him, and he is a sucker. But would you rather be eating free with a sucker, or taking turns paying with a real man?

Personally, I don’t care about the financial burden of picking up a check. My dates are cheap anyways. But almost every man takes it as a good sign of a girl’s character and potential for a more serious relationship, if she makes a serious attempt to pay on the initial dates.

5) You’re a Slut

Men don’t like sluts. Actually, that’s not true. We love sluts. We just don’t want to wake up next to them, take them on creative dates, introduce them to our friends, commit to, or god forbid, put a ring on them. But they make for cheap and easy bangin’, and we love that. The reasons for the near-universal male disdain of sluts are complex, but they are biologically ingrained and immutable. Even if they weren’t, there are good practical reasons for a healthy male resistance to the fool’s errand of turning a ho into a housewife.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t sleep around, girls. Even if I thought it was good universal advice, I wouldn’t be able to bring myself to type the words out, after all that your generation’s sluttiness has done for me. But I will caution you: The world is full of crazy feminists and Manginas who will tell you that it doesn’t matter how much mileage a girl has on her, and that it’s actually immoral for men to judge a slut as such. They are lying to you.

Men are extremely hesitant to commit to sluts, and if they say they do, it’s either because:

1) Their options are limited.

2) They’re lying.

(I’ll also concede that there is a small fraction of men with a crossed dendrite or two in their mate-selection circuits, who really don’t care. But the majority of men who claim to be such are actually just rationalizing their own inability to do better for themselves.)

So there’s the bad news. If you’re a perpetually single young woman, hopefully you saw a bit of yourself in those points. If you didn’t, go ahead and add:

6) You lack self awareness

The good news however, is that while you probably possess some combination of the above poor qualities, so does your competition. And since you’re reading this blog, you’ve got an information advantage. While most young women are being rendered undateable by a culture that encourages them to be fat, unkempt, coarse, materialistic fleshlights, you can follow the Freedom Twenty-Five Get Dateable For the Winter Plan. Only three easy steps!

1) Look Good

Incidentally, I write at length on the subject of how to not be fat. Short version: Eat paleo and lift weights. A woman with an athletic base cultivated through physical activity and resistance training will look better regardless of her weight, and will have a much easier time maintaining a sexy body. As for clothes, makeup and hairstyles, I am not the guy to help you out with that.

2) Be Fun

This one’s hard to teach in just a blog post, but:

I know, I sound like a greeting card. Here’s a tip that’s practical and useful:

3) Keep it in your Pants

Or at least, act like you usually do. Learn this list of promiscuity tells, and avoid them. Eventually though, in the course of dating and relationships, your past will come up. If it’s somewhat checkered, you’re probably not going to get away with papering over it. In the short term, almost definitely. But after years of dating, meeting each other’s friends, and accidentally leaving your phone, Facebook and email open in each other’s presence, the truth will eventually out. Be honest about it, and accept that it will be a deal-breaker for a small number of men, and a point against you for the rest. If you’re young and your sluttitude wasn’t too ridiculous, you’ll do fine.

Listen to your Grandma. Listen to your instincts. But unless you find the idea of planning elaborate birthday parties for each of your nineteen cats, force yourself to ignore the modern feminist movement, and the pop culture that festers around it.

The post Why You Don’t Have A Boyfriend appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1655735487) } [9]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(24) "How to Find a Lost Love?" ["link"]=> string(62) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2022/06/16/how-to-find-a-lost-love/" ["comments"]=> string(70) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2022/06/16/how-to-find-a-lost-love/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(12) "Guest Author" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 16 Jun 2022 14:12:42 +0000" ["category"]=> string(36) "Interestingpeople searchsocial media" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=8705" ["description"]=> string(552) "

We spend our lives looking for that perfect someone, our soul mate. And when we finally find them, we want to hold on to them forever. But sometimes, for one reason or another, things just don’t work out, and our loved ones leave us. That’s life… People come in and out of our lives, but […]

The post How to Find a Lost Love? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(5227) "

We spend our lives looking for that perfect someone, our soul mate. And when we finally find them, we want to hold on to them forever. But sometimes, for one reason or another, things just don’t work out, and our loved ones leave us. That’s life… People come in and out of our lives, but sometimes those people leave a lasting impression.

If you’ve lost someone you love, there may be hope. With the power of the internet, many people have been reunited with long-lost loves. Sometimes, you just might want to know what they’re up to or reconnect with them as friends. If you’re thinking about trying to find a lost love online, here are a few things to keep in mind.

Is This What You Want?

When looking for a lost love online, you need to be sure that this is what you really want. Ask yourself why you want to find this person. If it’s just because you’re curious or because you miss them, that’s one thing. But if you’re looking to get back together with this person, you need to be sure that’s what they want too. You also need to be prepared for the possibility that they may not want to be found.

Don’t Be Creepy

When you start looking for someone online, it’s important to remember that you need to respect their privacy. If they don’t want to be found, there’s a reason for that. Don’t try to track them down through social media or other online channels. That will just make you look creepy and could get you blocked or even banned from those sites.

Be Honest With Yourself

Before you start your search, you need to be honest with yourself. This person is not going to be the same person you remember. They may have moved on and be in a happy relationship. They may even have started a family. You need to be prepared for that possibility and be okay with it. Otherwise, you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment.

Google Them

One of the simplest ways to find someone online is to just Google their name. If they’re not hiding their identity, this should bring up a social media profile, website, or even an article about them. If you can’t find anything, try adding other keywords like their job title, interests, or hometown. Google will enable you to search for these terms within specific websites too. So, if you know they’re into a certain band, you can search for that band’s website + their name and see if anything comes up.

Check Social Media

Social media is one of the best ways to find someone online. Even if they’re not actively using social media, their friends and family might be. And if you’re lucky, they might have tagged them in a photo or mentioned them in a post. If you know which social media sites they use, start by searching for their name on each one. If that doesn’t work, try looking up their friends and see if they’re connected to any of them.

Use a People Search Engine

If you’ve tried all of the above and you still can’t find your lost love, you might want to try using a people search engine. These are specialized search engines that scour the internet for information about people. They can help find someone’s contact information, social media profiles, and even relatives.

Be cautious when using people search engines, as some of them sell your information to third-party marketers. So, if you’re going to use one of these services, be sure to read the terms and conditions carefully before you enter any personal information. Also, it may be a better idea to use a paid service, as they’re more likely to have up-to-date information. Finally, read reviews about these services to see which ones are the most reputable.

These are just a few tips to help you find a lost love online. But the most important thing to remember is to be patient. It may take some time and effort, but it’s worth it if you finally get reconnected with a lost love.

The post How to Find a Lost Love? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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We spend our lives looking for that perfect someone, our soul mate. And when we finally find them, we want to hold on to them forever. But sometimes, for one reason or another, things just don’t work out, and our loved ones leave us. That’s life… People come in and out of our lives, but […]

The post How to Find a Lost Love? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(5227) "

We spend our lives looking for that perfect someone, our soul mate. And when we finally find them, we want to hold on to them forever. But sometimes, for one reason or another, things just don’t work out, and our loved ones leave us. That’s life… People come in and out of our lives, but sometimes those people leave a lasting impression.

If you’ve lost someone you love, there may be hope. With the power of the internet, many people have been reunited with long-lost loves. Sometimes, you just might want to know what they’re up to or reconnect with them as friends. If you’re thinking about trying to find a lost love online, here are a few things to keep in mind.

Is This What You Want?

When looking for a lost love online, you need to be sure that this is what you really want. Ask yourself why you want to find this person. If it’s just because you’re curious or because you miss them, that’s one thing. But if you’re looking to get back together with this person, you need to be sure that’s what they want too. You also need to be prepared for the possibility that they may not want to be found.

Don’t Be Creepy

When you start looking for someone online, it’s important to remember that you need to respect their privacy. If they don’t want to be found, there’s a reason for that. Don’t try to track them down through social media or other online channels. That will just make you look creepy and could get you blocked or even banned from those sites.

Be Honest With Yourself

Before you start your search, you need to be honest with yourself. This person is not going to be the same person you remember. They may have moved on and be in a happy relationship. They may even have started a family. You need to be prepared for that possibility and be okay with it. Otherwise, you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment.

Google Them

One of the simplest ways to find someone online is to just Google their name. If they’re not hiding their identity, this should bring up a social media profile, website, or even an article about them. If you can’t find anything, try adding other keywords like their job title, interests, or hometown. Google will enable you to search for these terms within specific websites too. So, if you know they’re into a certain band, you can search for that band’s website + their name and see if anything comes up.

Check Social Media

Social media is one of the best ways to find someone online. Even if they’re not actively using social media, their friends and family might be. And if you’re lucky, they might have tagged them in a photo or mentioned them in a post. If you know which social media sites they use, start by searching for their name on each one. If that doesn’t work, try looking up their friends and see if they’re connected to any of them.

Use a People Search Engine

If you’ve tried all of the above and you still can’t find your lost love, you might want to try using a people search engine. These are specialized search engines that scour the internet for information about people. They can help find someone’s contact information, social media profiles, and even relatives.

Be cautious when using people search engines, as some of them sell your information to third-party marketers. So, if you’re going to use one of these services, be sure to read the terms and conditions carefully before you enter any personal information. Also, it may be a better idea to use a paid service, as they’re more likely to have up-to-date information. Finally, read reviews about these services to see which ones are the most reputable.

These are just a few tips to help you find a lost love online. But the most important thing to remember is to be patient. It may take some time and effort, but it’s worth it if you finally get reconnected with a lost love.

The post How to Find a Lost Love? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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